What do you think of this first draft for a horror/puppy love story? All advice is welcomed?

“What?! Aria you can’t chicken out now! You promised you would go this Halloween!” Kyra whined as she shoved Aria towards the haunted castle, that supposedly was being guarded by a vampire.

“Fine, fine! Get off of me!” She flailed her arms at Kyra and ran up the steps to the vampire’s castle. Aria slowed to a walk as she reached the door. “H-hello?” She squeaked and pulled open the rotting wooden door. As soon as she had taken a step in, it slammed shut behind her. Aria screamed and swiveled around to see what caused it.

There was nothing there, she realized. Her hands traced the elegant design carved into the old redwood door. When she remembered her objective, she took a deep breath and ventured deeper into the supposed haunted mansion. Several ancient looking paintings seemed to follow her with their dull eyes as if to say ‘You don’t belong here…’

Aria passed a corridor that made her shiver. The torture chamber. She could almost hear the crying screams of agony echoing in the small space. She closed her eyes and ran forward blindly. Her breath was the only thing she could hear as she tried to escape. it’s only one night, it’s only one night! she thought. Aria felt a sharp pain in her gut as she skidded along the ground on her stomach, causing a deep gash to cut through her thigh. She cried out in pain and sat up, clutching her leg. She blinked and tilted her head at the strange item she had slid across.

A coffin! Aria thought, this… This is it! she gasped and out of her own curiosity, she pushed back the lid. Inside lay a beautiful boy, he didn’t look much older then herself. His silver hair framed his pale face and his bangs covered one eye. His lips were slightly flushed with a bit of color. She watched in amazement as his chest rose and fell with each breath. The boy was wearing a Victorian style suit with a midnight black cloak.

It’s strange to call a man this but… He’s beautiful. What are his dreams like? And what color are the eyes that see them? She wondered. Without thinking, she reached down and her fingers traced his jaw line. The boy stirred in his sleep and she panicked. Aria quietly closed the lid and tried to sneak away. She stumbled over a chain on the ground and nearly fell into the iron maiden, “Kyaaah!” She screamed. In a flash she was hovering inches away from the deadly spikes. “W-wha?” She stammered.

Startled grey eyes met with hers as the boy held Aria in his arms. “Miss? How ever did you get in here? What is your name?” He asked. His voice was soothing and gentle, as if he meant her no harm.

“A-Aria Ashite…” She whispered as she took note of his fangs.

“I am Loue… Wh-" He was suddenly cut off, "Miss Aria, you smell absolutely lovely!” Loue exclaimed and examined her bleeding thigh. “Delicious…” He murmured as his eyes seemed to glaze over. Loue kissed the base of her neck and opened his jaw to fully reveal his glistening fangs.

TO BE CONTINUED