Is virginity a big issue between unmarried couples?

A man who is not a virgin surely has no right to expect his bride to be a virgin.Starting a marriage on such a 'requirement' is a good prediction of how the marriage relationship is going to be. 'One standard for me and a different standard for you'. 'Do a I say,not as I do' is a common attitude for men in most cultures.Women who marry these men may not be 'happy' with this,but put up with it anyway,hoping to get the most out of it.

The physical test (is the hymen intact?) is not reliable because not all virgin girls have an intact hymen,for various reasons (google it).

There is NO phsical test for male virginity, so that makes the whole issue a nonsense (not aimed at you).

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Sadly, the tradition of preserving virginity for marriage is almost lost in the USA, and most of the western world, so it is nearly a hypothetical question at this point. My impression is that in the Philippines is that it is often emphasized, and over emphasized, to the point of being a way to demean, or harass young women who choose to have sex before marriage.... and also contributes to the shame or stigma placed on unwed mothers... In the Philippines, it seems that an unwed mother, (obviously not a virgin), bears the burden of something like a scarlet letter... while in the USA and other places it may not be notable or remarkable.. especially if the mom is cute.. The sad reality in the USA, etc is that virgins are virtually non-existant after the teen years... so the question is basically moot for most adult men.

Certainly virginity adds some certain 'value' to the bride in marriage, as an idicator of fidelity and sincerity in marriage.. but in modern times it is often no longer a all or nothing.. virgin vs. non-virgin consideration.. but rather a question of how many relationships each party has been involved in prior to marriage.. Men have the upper hand in this game, as women with a history of heavy dating are often regarded to be poor marriage choices.... while the same behavior by men prior to marriage may be casually overlooked.

Well, darling, considering that, until the middle ages, it was lawful - in both the church's and the civil authorities' eyes - for a couple who intended to marry but had not yet done so to have sex (they could not be charged with fornication if caught), and that the church didn't blink when called upon to solemnize a couple's marriage at the same time it baptized their first two children (given the difficulty of travel and the occasional scarcity of priests), it seems to me that the attitude of modern Christians toward pre-marital sex and the fetishizing of virginity owes more to the 19th century Victorian perspective than to any church teachings. But that's just my opinion. (((Keith)))

I volunteer as lecturer for the youth at our parish. One time the topic was "virginity among teens". Let me share my notes with you ---

M, 19 "no big deal really but I will never dip my cannon where multitudes have dipped before."

M, 16 "It doesn't matter if a girl is virgin or not as long as she doesn't have a bad rep."

F, 17 "easy to be a Catholic but very hard to be a good Catholic. lots of good girls are sexually active but still there's guilt and stuff. like doing something wrong but you do not believe it's wrong. society and church should ease up on this virginity thing. for me it's personal choice."

F, 19 "the success or failure of marriage doesn't depend on the virginity status of the couples so what's the big deal? if anyone can assure me that if both or at least one of the marrying couple are/is a virgin then the marriage will blissfully last forever, then I'll wait for my wedding night before I put out."

By the way, all those kids are Americans.

A related story: Early this year, I polled my high school classmates. I sent out 29 emails but only 12 responded to my short survey. "Were you a virgin when you got married? If not, was your "conqueror" the man you married?"

Of the 12, only 1 admitted to being a virgin on her wedding day. Of the remaining 11, eight (8) reported that they married their conqueror while the 3 others hinted otherwise with such comments as "not exactly", "I don't think so" and "I wish..."

By the way, my classmates and I are all Filipinas and we were "kolegialas". We're in our 40s now.

Among my unmarried friends, NO this is not an issue and they are happy and so they claim. Although there may still be remnants of the old school who think women should wear the chastity belt until marriage. This is not bad at all but they are a dying breed. Let's face it women deserve to have a healthy relationship with men before marriage, not just men.

What is good for Jill should be good for John. Jill didn't mind that John was a not virgin, so why should John mind if Jill is not? In this age of equality of the sexes, it would be grossly unfair to require that women save it for marriage. It's not an issue of morality; it's more of common, practical sense really. You wouldn't purchase your dream house blindly, would you? You need to look and inspect. Same thing with relationship that could lead to long term commitment. Both parties need to taste and sample.

well, in these day and age you woould seldom find a virgin woman not if you've really watched her and grew up with her since she was a baby...no siree...wishfull thinkin. So, what I would say is virgin or no virgin what difference does it make as long as you love each other and the woman is faithful, and fit to be your choosen one and only for you till death do you part? If your willing to play your stake in marriage with her then what is your problem? your trust in her and her trust in you is that thing that matters most and most of all the UN-Ending Love...thats all there is.

Not even with my male friends. Everyone has come to expect that both boys and girls have sexual relationships early on.

The bigger concern is whether or not the girl has been a player, in which case, the man will have major doubts as to whether or not the girl will stop playing when she gets married. I think that this is also the girl's concern, when she decides to marry one who is a known "pabling". Still, both of them hope for the best.

Here in the USA?? No.

Young men enjoy sex, so why shouldn't young women enjoy sex?

Other cultures put way too much emphasis on virginity. I just can't believe a father could kill his daughter over such a trivial issue. The world can be very stupid when it comes to placing great value on a simple hymen.

I think it would depend on how promiscuous a woman is and how much casual sex she has had and with how many men.

No, not a big issue if not a long history of casual sex.