Divorced mother's 21 year old son won't work and makes her life miserable.?

Question

My nephew is 21 and won't look for a job. When his mother tells him to, he makes her life hell. His father left to live with someone else and is no help. In fact he is the reason why he is worthless. His father's father was a worthless alcoholic who only worked occasionally. And ended being taken care of by the mother until he died. In fact all of the uncles from that side of the family are or were worthless. The father was abusive and always relied on his mother or my parents to help him and my sister out of being in trouble. He smokes pot all the time so you know that the kids do to. My sister is so neurotic from being in an abusive relationship for 26 years that she can't or won't do anything about this now abusive self proclaimed drug addict. She can't throw him out because she is afraid that he will do something bad to himself. Also he won't go anyway. Plus he starts trashing everything in the house and then leaves before the cops show up. And even when they do show up, there is nothing that they will do. Plus I don't think that my sister will really follow therough with anything either.I told my mother that I need to sit that little bastard down and talk to him man to man. But she says don't rock the boat. All I want to tell him is that it is time to be a man and get a job and start contributing. But the women (my mom and my sister) say all that will do is make things worse. I tell them that I will not be his victim like they are. But sinse I take care of my mother now, one way or the other, I am now. I say that it is time for a man to deal with this and set things straight no matter what anyone thinks. Especially since its my life and my mother's life that is also being effected here. Sooner or later they will probably end up moving in with me and I won't have that crap in my house. He says that he is addicted to pot so he can't work. And he won't get help. I say that its just an excuse and its time to tell him how it is. But if I do then all hell will break loose. I say let it break. Let him go and experiance the real America. Has anyone else had to put up with this garbage? There was a time when get the hell out!  used to work. Now the women say don't rock the boat and now I'm the bad guy. Sooner or later there comes a time when a man has to step in and clean house. What say you????

tinkbostwick · Accepted Answer

i say that he should buck up and get a job and stop acting like a kid. he should get kicked out, but from the sounds of it he won't. that's probably be the best thing for him. life is going to hit hard when there's no one there to treat him like a baby.
by helping him and letting him act this way she's only making worse for him.
i wouldn't let him live in my house, you should definetly rock the boat too by the way. that boat needs to be alot more than rocked. you should capsize it!

CoeyG · Answer

He is 21 years old, he is an adult.  If I were the mother I would tell him to pack his bags, if he had a house key I would take it away, I would hand him the name and addresses of local homeless shelters and tell him not to let the door hit him in the butt on his way out.  Then I would change all the locks on the doors.  As long as the family enables him he will continue to behave in the manner he is behaving.

luzell · Answer

Life sucks, huh? Not always. There are consistently demanding situations and one of the crucial largest is retaining matters in point of view. A lot of your disorders appear variety of transitority and it is plenty larger to have a junky auto than a nasty center or whatever. I realize it sounds trite, however attempt to appear on the complete side of the glass as an alternative of the empty side. Oh, and well success with the associate advertising. I realize it can fairly paintings good!

888888888888 · Answer

I didn't read past worthless alcoholic. I think you have your answer right there. The types of people who care for these bums are simply enabling their behavior. There is no consequence for them not getting a job, so they don't feel the need/urge to go out and work. Now, I know there are very few and decent jobs out there right now, but unless he's needing to feed himself with his own money, he won't get the picture. Capiche?

Anonymous · Answer

If the women aren't on your side, your lecture will be ineffective. An intervention is what's called for here. Everyone needs to stop supporting his addiction, and a rehab appointment should be scheduled for that day. It should be done away from the house, and his mom should say he can't come home if he won't go.If they aren't going to be tough, he's not going to quit. Keep working on them. Family therapy might help them focus, or Al Anon.

Sue B · Answer

If their not living in your home, and you say the mom wouldn't do anything about it now as it it..........I'd have to say  your wasting good energy on something that can't be solved.  
Call the cops when you know there are drugs in the house.  Also let them know the woman has lived with abuse and is still wit her own son.

Anonymous · Answer

if a guy doesn't work, At least go to school or help around seems like hes just procrastinating things.If it was my kid I would sit him in front of family members and make him choose is he gonna help his mother..or is he gonna be on the streets.

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Divorced mother's 21 year old son won't work and makes her life miserable.?

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