Why is it in our society that the victim of bullying is required to change instead of the bully?

Question

Take any crime you may well imagine - rape; murder; assault; robbery; etc. - and you will find that our society as a whole is intolerant of it, as indicted by the fact that we have a justice system set up to punish those that transgress.

In all of these crimes some form of harm is being done to the victim. Yet when it comes to bullying a strange thing is seen, instead of a perpetrator (the bully) being subjected to a system of where by they are required to 'pay back' their debt, we see that it is in fact the victim of the bullying that is required to change. Society in effect turns its back on the victim in favour of protecting the perpetrators right to free speech and act, even if that right is used to cause harm to another.

Now the detrimental effects of bullying are well known from anecdotal sources and psychological studies of both children in school and adults in the workplace. Bullying is linked to stress, low self esteem, physical and medical complications, injuries and illness caused by physical abuse and has even been linked as a major contributing factor to teenage suicide. Please see http://www.bullyoffline.org/workbully/index.htm and http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=69.376&print=true (fact sheet 17) for more info, but this is by no means the only sources out there.

So bearing in mind that our society is intolerant of actions that cause harm to other individuals, as evidenced by the fact that there is a justice system in place (its record of getting it right is not at issue here), why is it that our society in general expects a victim of bullying to change thier actions and does nothing to alter the behaviour of the bully?

Time for your examination · Accepted Answer

I believe more in the bullying to make yourself feel better thing.  There wasn't really much violence at my school, a few fights here and there but it was mainly teasing.  

I did a large part of it.  If I saw another person being bullied and unable to defend themselves and looking emotional.  Then i'd start teasing the bully, I usually stopped if they cried and I never teased them about things that were true or that they were sensitive about.  

It was more a game for me, like who could come up with the most creative jokes.  I loved winning, it made me feel great as sad as that is.  Sure sometimes it hurt when people would tease me but I felt great when i could make a bully feel like crap over something completely untrue. 

I was bullied in my younger years because I was one of the smaller kids in the class. Then just before I got to high school I became one of the biggest in most of my classes.  So I don't beleive any of that crap about teaching people the way of life, bla bla bla.  

I was lucky enough that a teacher explain this to my class in primary school.  He drew a set of scales on the board.  He said the bully is on this side.  They are weighed down and feel bad about themselves, so they get that weight and throw it onto someone else so they rise and the scales tip in thier favour. 

Also hase anyone ever looked at the sentencing.  It seems money is worth more than a life according to the court systems.  Rapists in australia have gotten just 1 year at times but when some steal money they get roughly 25 years.

lblacklife · Answer

You wrote a lot so I didn't read any of it. But to answer your question, society is a bully. Our society is one that awards the strong more than the weak. Bullies in school are necessary to teach the weak to be strong and the need for strength. Yes, I was bullied, and I bullied.

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Why is it in our society that the victim of bullying is required to change instead of the bully?

2 Answers