Does this sound okay as a start for my book....?

This sounds okay. I have to admit I'm not one to know if something is good for a certain age group or not, but I do know what I like and don't like. One thing that I noticed (and it really stood out to me) was that you said that the Humans 'yelled at me, throwing cans and guns at me.' I'm curious as to why a human would throw their gun away.

To the person who said that third person was better (or, at least that was what I got out of it),I have my own opinion on that. I love first-person stories because they allow me to see deep into the inner mind of someone. First-person takes a lot of skill to perfect because a person doesn't generally say 'my mom wore such-and-such type of clothing today and her makeup was from Maybelline'. We generally notice new things rather than things we always have seen.

For your dog, I'd say try to describe his fear, his pain and everything he is smelling and doing because description makes the story just as much as action and dialogue.

Also, the fight scene left me wondering why he was attacking other dogs and made me feel like you could have added a bit more description in a few places (like how the fight was going, what your main character felt, etc.)

You jump from scene-to-scene a little quickly. For instance, your dog character was fighting another dog, then he was lying inside somewhere, smelling the outdoors. It was a little confusing.

Dogs are also pretty loyal to their masters even if their master was abusive. So maybe put in a few details as to why your character wanted to run away. You said it was the smells but dogs have to go outside every once in a while so why would he run away just to be outside?

You've got some voice in the story, try adding a little more juice to it. Make us feel for the dog and add a few things that dogs might do like having a relatively short attention span or something (just a suggestion). I would like to know that this is a dog and not some weird, mutant human being.

Sorry for the rant but you did ask for advice/critique so I'm telling you what I've learned since I was your age. And, as for your question on if I would keep reading, I would say: Maybe, if it was edited and tweaked a bit. And that's only because reading from the POV of an animal isn't really my cup o' tea.

Practice makes perfect so if you keep at it, your writing will improve!

I think you a very talented actually extremely talented. The only thing I did not like was "the murky forrest" there is a much better word or words looking for a home in that line. Additionally in my Personal experience, very rarely have I seen people/characters motivated to extremes because of pride,.Fear of whatever, fear of death or being captured always motivated me more than pride. Pride is a good motivator in athletics, but when you are staring at death and he is looking back, pride is not one of the emotions or thoughts that come to mind. Defiance can even motivate more than Pride but then again I am not a marine, you know the few the proud the Marines. I think it is great, keep me posted if you can. You have a great career ahead of you.You might want to consider that animal instincts are more prevalent or closer to the surface in animals and that can be really fun working out things with the main Character.

Wow. I loved it, and except for the few grammar mistakes that I see the others have already corrected, it was great. I keep trying to write stuff like this, but I can't get the ideas that will keep a story going and I just can't write well enough. I think you were very descriptive, but it's just a little unclear what exactly the main character is doing and why he is doing it. But overall, I liked it.

Sorry, I'm not much of a critic and I couldn't find many things that you should change. Are you going to keep posting the rest of the story? Or maybe you could tell us what you'll be naming the book when it's done and we could read it. I am looking for books to read these days.

P.S. Thanks for answering my question.

Wow. A very, very big WOW.

Ok. This type of writing really is my thing. I love animal books. The only mistakes are the grammar errors, which, I'm sure, can be corrected. And, maybe a little more description. Like, why is the dog fighting? Does he like to fight? Does he have a name? You don't have to go' Hy my name is Spike and Iike to fight.'These things always come out at some point.

. I do want to read further. Will you post the next part? Can you email it to me at adinauifi@yahoo.com?

Thank you.

Keep up the EXCELLENT work.

Ok, this style of writing really isn't my thing.

But, since you want criticism, then I will give it to you:

Eventually, I think we need to know more about the main character, obviously, we know that he is a dog and has superb fighting skills, but, I want to know more. I want to connect with this character. What was the pain in his leg like- "A sharp shooting pain, that was like a million stabs every time I put my paw down."

DESCRIPTION, DESCRIPTION, DESCRIPTION!!!!

That is the main thing here, plus your grammatical errors.

In books, we really want to connect with what the character is feeling. Does the dog like fighting? Why did he run away? Did he run away because he was tired of fighting?

Just describe the scenes more, slow down, and make us really connect with what's going on in the story.

If you want help from others then go to this website- www.writerfriendly.webs.com- me and all the other members on there can help you out if you decide to continue this story. It's free and my username is Sapphire. Look for me if you join.

I guess that's really all the help that I can give you. Any time that you post anything, make sure to review for grammatical errors.

Remember description!!!!

Hope that I helped!!!! Good Luck and Happy Writing!!! :D

I found it quite interesting. Though I did believe it was a dog that you were fighting, not a raccoon. I also think you should give more details, such as where you are, why you're there...so on. You're a dog right? What's your name? Well, if you have one. Or, what kind of dog are you? Other than that, it was rather good. I don't think it's amazing that you're a 13 year old, since I know a few books that are amazing written by people your age. What's your plot? I'm wondering where the story is going soon. Overall, I'd give you a 8/10. Maybe a 9/10.

I think your idea is very good, about the dog fights and everything. You just have some grammar mistakes here and there. I did get a little bored reading the beginning, but it got more exciting towards the end. I think, though, that the events happen too quickly. Like one second he's trapped, the next he's running away, with no forewarning to the audience that he was going to escape. If it's a short story, that'd be fine, but if you're going for an actual novel, you should try to prolong some parts.

overall, i thought it was pretty good. some comments:

the beginning was very confusing. maybe adding a paragraph or two would be helpful because right now, i was just trying to figure out what was going on, instead of really appreciating the writing.

on that note, i love your writing style. it is interesting and your imagery is really great.

the last sentence is really beautiful, by the way. extremely haunting.

personally, i am not a fan of the topic. i feel that it has been done before, and is a little cliched. (sorry, you said you wanted critic)

overall, i thought the writing was great and just needed a little work (like at the beginning)

keep up the great work =] (oh wow, i can't believe i just typed that. so cliche. ouch)

I love this! A few grammar errors, and better word choice could be used, but I still love this. This is totally my kind of book! Can I borrow this story to show to my friend (she is trying to write something in this genre, and I want to show her how you sort of made it seem more like a dog was talking rather than a human) E-mail me please! (And if you think it would be a waste of time, or whatever, don't e-mail me, I won't take it personally)

keyessammy10@yahoo.com

No random spam please!

I didn't really understand it all too well. First the dog is killing another, then the Humans here looking at a dead raccoon. Then the dog began running away and she/he was shot! Sorry, I just don't understand why the Humans treat her/him so harshly. Also, when learning new scents, you say 'greeted me' a lot. Change it up.

I like your writing style, and you make good use of vocabulary. Well done.