To ladies that had / have affairs?

She is badly in need of counselling.

Talk to her and ask her to give you some time to bring sparks in your life.

tell her to leave, she is the one who found someone. And..... take that time to be alone and figure out what you want.... if she comes back, decide if you want someone who left you to go experiment, if she doesnt, then you know that it was a decision for the best (asking her to leave)

That spark... well that only lasts a year or two with any relationship. its called infatuation and it has no meat whatsoever.. what you and your wife had was 22 years of companionship.... best friends, knew everything about one another.... went through good times and bad.... know each others boundaries..... what she is wanting is that infatuation that she thinks is love... well its not... because in a year or two, her new relationship will be like any other... familiar. If you were a good husband and loyal, she will regret her move.... but you cant stand around and let this happen.... your doing the right thing by ending the marriage for now... and this space crap... thats just a word for " I want to go try this new guy out and if it works I am not coming back but if it doesnt I am coming back to you because you have given me the space to do so".............. when someone says they need space, its almost always to go check something else out. Well, let her.... but tell her no space... its the end. Nobody likes to be alone..... and everyone is afraid of the unknown but your not a doormat..... so stick with your guns.... and dont worry about regrets... all that matters is that your no longer sitting at home wondering where she is or who she is with... thats not fair to you.

And dont do this with the thought she will regret it and come back... do it with the thought that your not a doormat, your a good husband and if thats what she wants, goodbye... and start working on grieving the end of the marriage that way no matter what the outcome, you will be okay.

good luck with this... its never easy for sure

I have never cheated on my husband, and I believe once a cheater always a cheater. You saw it building and you spoke up once it had already started. Of course you saw it because you have been married for over 22 years. You know her like you know yourself. Should you give her time, she's confused. What you should do is, exactly what you have, you told her what you told her how you felt. If she leaves you will lose apart of yourself because she has been by your side for 22 years. But do know if she does decide to go, let her go with dignity on your part. Don't beg just move on. Not all woman are cheaters, and perhaps it was a moment of weakness on your part. This is exactly why I don't believe woman and men can be just friends, of course that is what I have observed. I do hope if you do stay you can forgive and she gets counseling on why, because the warning bells went off in her head and she ignored them. So next time she needs boundaries. And if she will be happy, how can you be happy when you built your relationship on lies and deception?

Love is not a feeling, but a choice. She loves you, but doesn't know what love is. Example: if you were tied down to train tracks, and that other man was also stuck tied down to train tracks, and the only person that could save either of you was your wife. But she only had enough time to get to one of you and save you, would she save you or that other man? You see people forget about "crush". When you get a crush you have a feeling that disguises itself as love. A person is only capable of "loving" (relationship wise) one person. I'm reminded in the Bible about unconditional love. Love that is a choice rather than a feeling. You see what she developed with you was love. What she developed with that other man was a "feeling" in disguise. She will realise it one way or another, but this is about you and what you should do. Give her a medium. If I were you (and you have developed a 22 year worth love for this woman) I would tell her to leave (nicely and loving). Forgive her completely. She will eventually see the mistake she made, but you would have won (because she IS going to leave anyways) and you had the power in this. I mean say that she decides to be with you. How will that feel knowing she might build "feelings" with some other man. And how could you two possibly be fully romanticly connected when both are aware of not a full commitment? Look leave her or let her go.

I take my hat off to you, this is not easy for you to do at all. The clear fact is that you would rather let her go than not have all of her, do you want to make this marriage work, you have not mentioned whether or not you guys have tried counselling??? As for her saying the spark has disappeared I dont think that is the case I think she just found it somewhere else for the meantime because he is a "new" thing.

Marriage requires a lot of work, and any new relationship is fun and fascinating and everything else because it is new, it is the one's that are tested and tried and counselled and stuck out there that are the hard ones to find. So spark to me seems meaningless. She fell in love with you once before. I think what I am trying to get at, is you have not made it clear what you want ?

dude just let her go and when she gets up set with him and things wont work out as they did she will see her wrongs and come back and if u truly love her just keep a space in your heart for her and be there for her if she comes back. that is the best peace of advice i can give but hey i am only 20 so yeah good luck bro u will need it i will pray for u

try to convince her, and if u have kids, ask her to think about the kids, and saving of marriage.

spark is coming back in couple days or months. but ones u loose moral and ethics for commitment is never comeback.

my wife left me 7 yrs ago, caz she feel that she not get satisfied from me, caz of my natural size. she need more. i not have any kids, so i let her go for her physical pleasure. i know after couple years she may be comeback, when she just not need only physical needs, but need emotional support too.

good luck :) hope u convince her.

I'm so sorry for you and I wish I could help so badly. But i've never been unfaithful. Just know that I will say a special prayer for you tonight to find peace with this. And also, know you are not alone. All the best to you.

I liked your additional details in that you say you are tired of being a doormat--keep that thought in mind when dealing with cheaters. Zero tolerance towards all cheats.

Your gonna have to be stronger..don't be a door mat..if you did keep her you would never trust her or feel loved and you may find true love with someone yourself..you have fear of the unknown yourself.