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An awkward issue with my bisexual friend...?
A friend of mine is trying to guilt me back into being friends with her after she tried to touch me in my sleep. This is while she was staying over at my house (she has financial problems, so she doesn't have a stable place where to live). I'm 17 (18 in 3 months) and she's going to be 18 in a couple weeks. We don't go to the same school, but she talks to me a lot. She has always been very clingy and needy, which can get annoying at times. But I've remained friends with her because she says I'm the only person she can truly trust, and I feel kind of bad for her. She is very emotional, and gets depressed easily.
As I said before, this happened while she was staying at my house. This was the first time she ever slept over (usually she sleeps in hotel rooms, or in the houses of her other friends, but since her dad's car broke down not too far from our house, he asked if she could spend the night and my parents agreed).
At night while I was trying to sleep, she started making awkward advances on me, and telling me to kiss her and get on top of her. She didn't "rape" me, but if I had not rejected her things would have probably ended up badly (well, for me anyway). She said she has a crush on me, so when I refused and reminded her that I'm straight, she started crying. I tried to tell this to her as nicely as possible (which is probably a mistake, since I wasn't assertive enough with her). She has told me that she likes me in the past, but I thought she had gotten over her crush already. Plus, she has an online girlfriend (though she has cheated on this gf in the past with another girl).
Now, she is offended that I feel like I need time away from her. She says things like "Why are you upset?" and "Yeah, I guess what I did was a mistake..." like she doesn't understand what she did to me. I'm not even trying to be rude to her. If she was a guy with a gf I still would have rejected her because it's not right to cheat, plus I do not feel attracted to her at all... and if a guy was trying to make advances on me, and I did not feel attracted to him, I would tell him to stop, especially if he had a gf and was making me feel uncomfortable.
She also tells me that she's only concentrating on her online gf now, and that she's gotten over her crush on me by focusing on her love for her gf. She is constantly calling me up and txting me, even though I don't really want to deal with her.
The day after this happened, her cousin txted my number (which she gave to him, since I wasn't answering her txts... I was at a family gathering). In the txt, her cousin said that my friend wanted to talk to me. When I called her number up, she asked me if she was still sleeping over the next day. My answer to her was that I think I need some space to her (and I said this to her as gently as I could).
It's been about 5 days since the sleepover. Today she called me 4 times in a row, and when I finally answered, I told her that I needed some more time apart from her before I could forgive and forget (which is what I've been telling her all along). But she's still being persistent, and telling me that she doesn't understand why I'd feel awkward around her.
As I said before, I'm dealing with her the same way as I would deal with anybody else. Although I'm straight, I have friends of all sexualities who I spend time with on a regular basis, but NONE of them have ever tried to do something like this to me.
Would you go back to being friends with this girl? And do any of you have advice on how to deal with her? Thanks.
Also, I've only known this girl for about a year, so if I stopped being friends with her it's not like I would be losing a friend who I've known for 10 years... but as I mentioned before, she's been very clingy/obsessive with me, ever since the start of our friendship
9 Answers
- RyanLv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
This person sounds like an emotional vampire. She tries to guilt you into being her friend by telling you that you're the only person she can trust and playing up her depression, but that's not friendship, that's emotional abuse of you. The things she does that you consider inappropriate as far as the contact were probably done less because of any feelings she has for you and more out of an attempt to create drama and get attention. I don't think you should go back to being friends with her because she will continue to leech off of you emotionally and it will not be good for your long term mental well being.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
As bad as I feel for her, I really think you should just part.
It's not even the fact what she did was outta line, it was, but if she truelly regrets it, I don't recommend holding a grudge.
It's the fact that she clearly has strong feelings for you, it's kinda obvious from
"she has a crush on me"
"She has always been very clingy and needy"
"she called me 4 times in a row"
"she likes me in the past"
Like she clearly wants you. By staying friends with her, you're just going to make it harder for her and awkwarder for you, cause she'll keep wanting you and you don't want her back. And honestly, I admire your openness, cause this just seems weird. Not cause she's bi, but because you're straight and she doesn't seem to care;
- 1 decade ago
If i was you i would not probably go back on being friends. But, as you sound like a good person , do you think you will be able to be fine knowing that she is emotional and depressed about it.
I'd stay stick to what you feel is right. If you think you should not once again give shelter to her neediness then just avoid her.
Source(s): Me - Anonymous5 years ago
Yikes, that would be awkward! Hmm, I'd say, because she's you're best friend, talk to her. Nicely confront her about it, and tell her you're not into her that way, and that it makes you uncomforable that she feels that way about you. If she doesn't want to comply, well, best friends should.
- 1 decade ago
keeping telling her that u is not intrested in a r/s n stuff u been tellin her.
and try to say smthg like "what if a guy did this to you,will you like it?" tt kinda thing?but of cos in a less "rude way" im saying now.but ya gotta let her understand that ur straight and u dont like wat she did and want her to stop.
i think eventually she will get it.but dun give in cos of guilt.jus assure her ur not intreseted.
thats is if u still wanna be frds with her.
if not jus leave this person slowly like contacting less n less with her like those hi-bye thing?since u say she's clingy type so jus to let her learn to 'live on her own'.
- MadeNoSense*Lv 51 decade ago
Tell her what you just told us. If she really cares for you she would realize what she's doing isn't fair on you.
Tbh it sounds like shes not over you & is gonna try it on with you again, if she wants you back that fast & badly.
I'd just ignore her, if she really means she's over you, she have given up by now.
- knightrunner13Lv 61 decade ago
Don't do it . She is not over you yet an may be along time before she is . Just say no and move on or you will regret it .
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Toooooooo long to read sorry dear
- Anonymous1 decade ago
YES AND BONE HER ***