After being hurt by my fiance can we ever regain trust...should I marry him?

Don't be offended by this, but that's overly dramatic for texts that don't even sound like they are having an affair at all.

Like the first comment said, love is built upon trust and genuine love is developed upon initial love.

If you don't trust him, you will stop loving him and you will never genuinely love him.

Putting it in a better way, you need to trust him. He will not be perfect afterwards. But remember that neither will you. Seriously consider the consequences before you do anything drastic.

Oh God Sweetie, I once had a job where I worked in an ALL men department for many years. Most of the men were married, but, I wasn't at the time. I got to be very, very close to these guys and there WAS joking around like that, believe me. I knew those guys loved their wives and I even got to meet some of them and they would have NEVER did anything to hurt them. But, I will admit, we did joke around. I never would have thought any of them were serious and they knew damn well I would never have acted on some of the things they were joking about. When I did get married, they came to the wedding and a few even pulled me aside and said, "Look, if he doesn't take care of you on the honeymoon, you know my number." It was a JOKE. And, maybe my new husband would have been angry and hurt if he heard that, I would have been angrier and more hurt if THAT got to him. I was with those guys many more years than I was with him beforehand. I'd have been marrying one of them if that's what it was all really about. I was marrying HIM. If he really was up to something sneaky for real, those guys make sure that crap wouldn't be left on their phone for anyone to see, let alone his fiancee. FORGET this and move on with your man with peace in your heart. I already stopped and had a drink with my boys after work. There was some crazy things said. BUT, I went home to the man I love and he knew what I did and he also knew what I wouldn't do. And guess what? He had a female friend he was VERY close to also. She was in our wedding!

Yup you can trust him again I mean it's just text messages why throw away all that hard work over something so "trivial". If anything it's just something to keep an eye out for in the future. If it makes you feel any better monitor the phone bill for the next 6m-1y? Again all it was is somet txt messages it's not like he slept with someone or cheated on you...

i'm quite old fashioned when it comes to what is appropriate for married or committed men to do or not do.

i would suggest you let it go.

if he lets you share his phone he was no doubt going to tel you about this meeting (maybe he was not sure and thinking of cancelling it) with his old friend.

sounds just like a friendly catching up and being funny together like 'the old days'.

i am very faithful to my partner but i do catch up with two men friends every year or so for a drink (not a big night out or anything, either here or at local pub for an hour or two).

I would hate to lose these couple of men friend because my partner was jealous

One of the men friends sometimes make slightly flirty comments, the other doesn't but its just friendly banter. I had these friends before i met my partner and i value them.

You are insecure about his past. Did you get hurt b4? It was obvious that even if they got together for a coffee, it wasn't going to lead to anything else. It's ok for him, and YOU to have other friends without throwing everything away. It's obvious also he loves YOU and has committed to you for the long run. You're making more of this then you should. Be happy with finding the love of your life and don't let jealousy ruin it for you. Two evil things that shouldn't EVER be allowed into your house...guilt, and jealousy. accentuate the positive! on the Good luck.

I think that you overreacted with reading all those messages, then crying and on top of that, making him call her!!! You shouldn't push your future husband around like this. No one should put up with a such a control freak. I am not saying you are but you will soon become one if you continue behave like this.

The messages were pretty innocent to me and a woman obviously did not know that that he was taken. It is nothing wrong for him to have friends who are women, especially if he knew her way before you. Next time ask him nicely and don't jump into any conclusion. It doesn't seem such a big deal to me at all.

I think if you guys regularly share your cell phones then he probably wasn't planning on cheating on you because it would be too easy to get caught. But if you really don't trust him anymore, then don't marry him. You have to trust your partner. It's all up to you. It would be wise to get some premarital counseling.

Trust is the basis of a marriage.. maybe you dont love him. you want to possess him.. you need to see the difference. You have to learn to trust .. everyone has a past and people they care about .. you cant TAke that away.. if you cant trust that he has a life.. then you cant marry him.. YOu need to decide why its important to you to control his life and who he knows.. Either trust him or dont. but if you cant dont marry him.. Your HURT IS YOUR PROBLEM.. not his..

Hey he's 40 and he's already getting married? You should expect crap like that from a guy who's getting married at 40.

Are you fat or ugly? If so, make yourself more attractive and have sex with him as much as he wants to. If you are fat and barely have sex with him, why shouldn't he cheat on you?

I think you did the right thing, and showed him your not going to put up with any funny business. If he isn't hiding his cell from you then he probably didn't mean anything by this. Its when he starts hiding things that's when you have to worry.