Am I being overly obsessive?

Question

I just moved in with my boyfriend about three weeks ago (for financial reasons; he's going to school) and it has been a pretty interesting experience. This is only my second time, the first was a bad experience so I get pretty skeptical about relationships when you live with each other and not be married.

So, tomorrow is New Year's Day and we have barely had a date together since he's been going to school, juggles two jobs and I work early mornings as well, six days a week. The only time we ever have together are Sundays and nights are spent going to bed early. We have not had a movie together in over 3 months and neither have we gone out together on a Sat night alone for over a month. Sundays are tossed between sleeping in or hanging out with the extended family or watching football.

He called me a few minutes ago and told me that he was spending New Year's Day with a friend from LA. Why am I upset and annoyed that he decided to use this day to hang out with friends instead of spending time with me? Should I even have the right to be upset? How do I tell him I am upset without being overly obsessive? Should I just suck it in and tell myself that I will have the rest of my life to spend with him or do I let my feelings out?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I would be a bit upset about that too if it was me. Maybe he just got too comfortable in the relationship

The thing is you should have spoken up and made plans instead of being passive about it. That never works


To be honest i couldn't even see myself to be in a relationship where i hardly ever saw my partner. I might as well be single if that's how it was. You have to actually spend time together to keep from drifting apart.

Miss Priss · Answer

No, that's not obsessive or unreasonable. Living together can be tricky for young gals because we're still selfish yet are trying to share our lives with someone. I think that boundaries need ot be set when you move in together. Nothing in stone, but things like, "Friday nights are my nights our with the girls" or "Sunday, I always watch the 2 p.m. football game" and so on. If you leave your date nights up to chance, you'll never go anywhere! Schedules are hectic. I work in retail and my fiance is in law school. Sometimes it's like we're ships passing in the night. We make it a point to have certain evenings set aside for together time, and certain time spent alone as well.

But as I tell my friends, you need to TALK about it or he may never know you're upset - women are masters at staying silent, hoping our men will figure out what we need. Here's a tip - they WON'T! You gotta speak up about your feelings. Good luck! :-D

Anonymous · Answer

actually i would be upset as well. seeing as to how you guys hardly see each other. are you still in the lovey dovey stage of the relationship? maybe you could say something along the lines of how come you weren't invited to hang out. like its ok if he wants to spend time with his friend but shouldnt you be there as well?  thats sounds good to me.

Tsunami · Answer

youmoved in and you have not rights remember? i mean hey its your choice ot move in and hes wanting to spend time with friend. well i guess you can find a firend and have fun also but it has to be good clean fun. i guess you are at odds i wouldnt' have moved it for sure.

dalellll · Answer

I think honesty is usually best. As long as you can acknowledge that he needs time with his friends too, and he can acknowledge that you want time with him, you both should be able to deal with it.

Don't bottle it up, just be honest how you're feeling.

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Am I being overly obsessive?

5 Answers