Where is it written that a guy must initiate contact to start a relationship?

Hi Eagle,

Where is it written? Why in the big dating handbook in the sky, that's where! ;-) Our culture has a long tradition of following the dating pattern of male initiation and female passivity. Like a cruise ship responding to the helm, it takes a while for attempts to change such patterns to be reflected in actual dating behavior. There are some changes along the lines of what you recommend that have been occurring though. Females have become more assertive/aggressive. Many parents of teen boys have noted the tendency of girls to call their sons and, frankly pester and even stalk them. Let's hope a happy medium can be found between the old patterns and overtly aggressive girls who pursue guys to the point of compulsion. Regards.

Because we still live in a patriarchal society. Men have seduced women since the most ancient times. In the realm of animals, it is not the female who seduces the male but the opposite. The male peacock flares out its feathers when it is trying to get the female's attention. We are nothing more than animals with a conscience.

With that being said, more and more women actually take the lead in the seduction game. I sometimes do. Actually, guys happen to be more and more scared of rejection. They chicken out quite easily when it's time to make a move.

That's just how it is in most cases. There are studies that show that some men must feel the need to "chase" the girl. If the girl asks him out, then the "challenge" isn't there, so he looses interest. I don't know why, but I know I've heard a lot of scientific discussions on that. You'd think by now we'd have moved past that mentality, but in most cases, for most guys, we have not. Good question!

Yeah! you are soo right lol.

What was the name of that dance where the girls had to ask the guys to dance? Remember?

Darn I wish I could remember it, but anyway..it was giving us permission to be bold!

Most guys are thrilled when a girl will be the one to initiate conversation.

I hardly ever got turned down for a dance when I did, even after school lol. Or if I did I'd go and find anothr guy to dance with.

See someone who is interesting? has that sparkle in his eye? whos' sense of humor just makes your insides wiggle a and smile tug at the corners of your mouth?

Go for it ladies! Ya never know.

Because most of the time girls don't want to do the persuing. It's not in our nature, according to studies, and we would prefer someone to come after us. As the previous respondant stated, men have shown in studies that for the relationships they care about they prefer to do the chasing.

As you have said though, women will have to show some interest for a guy to think it is worth his while. Women have their own ways of initiating contact, but when it comes to asking someone out, they would prefer for a guy to do it.

Good question! We should ask out the people who interest us and not be hung up on gender identity, if that's the reason why some girls don't ask boys out.

I can understand though because it's always nice to be asked. I always feel like I am doing the asking.

I really don't know why some woman feel like that . If I want to meet some one your right I start up a conversation about anything if We like each other or feel anything I'll ask Him out for lunch and take it from there.

Haha. I agree with you.

I'm the one that initiated contact with my fiance. I asked him out for our first date, but he ultimately asked me to become exclusive, then to marry him. I wouldn't have a problem with the female doing the latter two as well. If you like someone, go for it... who gives a **** if the girl or the guy asks? As long as they both want it, it's all good.

you are so right my friend. but the problem is, it's against what's been normal for so long. girls have been taught to back down. we don't choose, we get chosen by guys who have first pick. i'm not going feminist on you :) , it'sjust the way it's always been. thankfully, things are changing these days, and some girls are taking the initiative. it seems guys are ok with it because confidence is sexy.

hah i agre. i think its completly stupid that a guy must be the first one to initiate conversation or anything with a relationship. Same way with asking girls to a dance or anyrthing