arguement ( about money) with my hubby...am I wrong?

I have mulled over your question all day not knowing what to say or how to say it. I seriously believe that the two of you need to seek counseling from a Christian counselor. Marriage is a two way street and must be based upon mutual respect and love. What you have described is a far cry from the type of relationship the Lord intended for his chilldren.

It is not a case of MY van or MY labor and funds to keep it going. If your husband had to pay you for being a mother to the children that have brought into this world, then would your sacrifice be worth it? If he has maintained the van through the sweat of his brow and the funds for the parts is it worth it? Think about it, marriage is a partnership. It is not always equal, it is not 50-50 sometimes it is unequally balanced. The two of you need to sit down and evaluate where this relationship is going.

Try to establish the value of your services and then the value of the time and parts that he has supplied to keep the vehicle going. Could you have paid for the parts and labor to a mechanic out of your own pocket. A workman is worthy of his hire. 1 Timothy 5:18, "For the scripture saith, Thou shalt not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn. And, The labourer is worthy of his reward."

Luke 10:7, "And in the same house remain, eating and drinking such things as they give: for the labourer is worthy of his hire. Go not from house to house."

This applies to men and women alike. Money, like work, must be equally shared. It is NOT MY money or HIS money, but OUR money and the decision about spending must be an equal responsibility. More importantly, is it really our money since it is the Lord is our provider of talent, strength and blessing. He is our Jehovah-Jireh, our Provider. Did both of your actions in any way glorify Him and what affect did this have on your children? Please, for the sake of your family seek Christian counseling and restore the home to the way God intended it to be.

Blessing in Christ,

gatita_63109

Apostolic Believer In One God, Jesus

There is a certain hypocrisy when you get pissed at him for saying the money he earns is HIS (and not the families) and than you say you are feeling hurt because he was keeping something that was technically "yours". If HIS income should be the families income than shouldn't the sale of the van ALSO be the families income (and not necessarily just yours?)

Don't get me wrong, I understand why you are thinking that way. Your husband is obviously selfish & I think deep down he doesn't respect your contributions to the family (which is why he isn't ready to consider his income to be the families income and to be shared upon the needs of ALL family members). He is only viewing things from a financial stand point & thinking to himself that you provide nothing and are basically an expense (and he resents it). He doesn't recognize the work you do with taking care of HIS children nor the other work you may do around the house (and I find that sad).

This is rather complicated. Technically he is right but you have your needs. Maybe you should go to a marriage counselor. They really help a lot many times. If your husband was loving you like Christ loves the church perhaps he would just forgive the crash you had which totaled the car but then that's a lot of discouragement to him I can see after all the work he did. Was the accident your fault or the other driver's fault? Try to be loving and respectful to your husband and keep things peaceful. This is not worth a breakup for you and you would be worse off if you two broke up over this minor thing. It is minor compared to the problems you would have without him.

I think you both are acting pretty immature about it. He did do some work on it. So he is entitled to some of it.But he has no right calling you names like a 3 year old. Instead of coming here asking if you were right you two need to make up and have a CALM discussion about money. Also make it clear you will not take the name calling. Money is definitely not the only issue here.....

It should be BOTH your money, not mine or his. Its very disrespectful on both ends to hoard money from each other when you are supposed to be a team and managing your household for everyone. You do work. You work very hard taking care of those kids. If you weren't home with them and out in the work force, you both would be paying a ton in child care. He should be providing for his family...not dangling dollars over your nose like a carrot. Instead of fighting, why dont you two take the money and do something together with it. Either put it in savings, take a weekend vacation with the kids, or just something maybe needed for the house.

Well, you can always suggest that you get a job and he share the parenting of the children. This way, you will have some money to call your own. Its obvious that there isn't enough money in your household, so nothing will change unless you make changes. He wont become more generous, and you will continue to live in poverty, unless you make changes.

You sound like a child. It is both of your money, and the van stuff sounds like it should be equally shared. He did put alot of time, money and effort into it for you. What did you do with the other $1000 from the insurance, you don't say. Did you keep that as your money too. Seriously, all the money is his money too and he is right in taking his share.

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Im with yr hubby on this 1 - seems to me hes given you a good taste of yr own medicine & it hasnt gone down too well - sounds to me like yr MY this & My that - yr married for gawd sakes - yr not single anymore & havnt been for sometime considering yv got 3 kids - grow up!! - yr kids probably behave better than that ????

You both need help. It is not "My" in a marriage. It is ours. He has control issues about money. I can see it has driven you to the point that if you sell something that was "yours", you feel it is your money. Next time he asks if you bought something with "my" money, tell him no, i used "our: money. Without help, i see you living in a miserable marriage,