A delicate situation, how should I handle this?

If you decide to get in touch with her, I would recommend against doing it in person. Write a letter and hit her with the "I am your child" in the first (short) paragraph. This will give her the opportunity to scream and crumple it up and cry and go back to smooth it out and read it - without having you in front of her.

You may have been the product of rape... or incest... are you ready to be hit with that? Are you ready to drag your birth mother through all that again?

I searched for over a decade to find my bastage (as relayed by my mother) birth father. When I found him, he jumped up and down and screamed that he wasn't my father. I paid for DNA testing, and he was right... the guy that I thought for 35 years was my father was just a guy that my mother married. Now I'm left in the situation of having to ask my mother who the REAL father is... and that is rough!!

Just be careful about what you may find when you locate her... it may be more painful than you anticipate.

I'm adopted myself..i was adopted by an Air force couple back in 1964..when i turned 18 yrs old i found them..My Birth father died of liver failure..so I'll never know anything about him..As for my Birth mother she is alive and well and living in Italy..I was told that they gave me away because they were poor..i did keep in contact with my Birth mom for a good while..even thow we both don't speak the same language...I went ahead and cut all ties with her..Because she lied to me and at the same time she tried to rob me..She called me once and told me that she got robbed of her monthly check up at her local post office..and that she was at the police station for many hours giving them a report..I felt bad for her..so i was going to send her 100 dollars just to help her out for food or something..But at the same time i called my birth sister who lives only 12 miles from our moms house..Hopefully my sister and her husband can do something for the poor woman..My sister told me on the phone that our mom lied to me about her being robbed at the post office..and the only reason my mother told me that lie is to have me send her some money because in her mind she feels like i owe her for putting me up for adoption..she thinks since i live in america I'm rich and our streets are paved with gold...That was the last time i spoke to her..I'm glad that i was adopted to..But just be careful cause you never know what you will find

Approach her and ask her nicely. If she doesn't answer than I wouldn't press on since this IS a delicate situation.

I would hire a detective, test your blood and see if you can locate your birth father.

I would ask her who he is. If she doesn't know who he is or doesn't want you to know. I would respect her wishes. You don't know the nature of their relationship. I don't want to upset you, but there is a reason why your birth mother hates your birth father. Maybe she doesn't want you around him for that reason.

The alternative would be to hire a private investigator.