I'm A Man Taking An Ex To Court For DNA Then Custody And Visitation, Gentle Or Aggressive Attitude?

I am a 20 year old man. My ex who I was previously engaged to and was with for 3 years became pregnant in February/March of 2009. We curtailed our relationship in December of 2008 when I found she was seeing another man. Over the next few months after we split we tried at our relationship while still having sexual intercourse. Everything was pretty smooth, in May of 2009 we decided it is best for both of our mental health and stability as well as the amount of stress while pregnant was not good and we agreed if it is meant to be then it is meant to be - but we will remain friends for the meantime. For the next 2-3 months things were smooth going as friends, about one phone call a week discussing how things with the pregnancy are going and maybe a few texts between. The first of August she began ignoring all my phone calls, text messages, and emails cutting all contact off with me until this day. In October she had moved about an hour away and cut off all contact with many other people as well. The baby was born on November 13, 2009. I have had inside sources that have been able to give me information. She has told a few people she has been in contact with that I have not tried to contact her or while she was pregnant showed any care about her or the baby - trying to make me look like a bad person, the sources knew she was lying but they denied to her they have had any contact with me in several months. I hired a private investigator who was able to find where she was living and get her address so my lawyer could file papers. I'm a great guy, and have told her numerous times that I never want to be a dead beat father. I attempted to contact her every few weeks throughout the fall, but she never returned my phone calls. It has now became relevant that the reason she has been trying to keep the child hidden from me because she is scared I am going to take the child from her and get custody because I have a better situation, I am able to provide better support for the child, and her past lies, actions, and current actions would not be favorable to a judge as my attorney said (not getting into those details about all of her lies and everything she has done). I am not out to take the child from her, but I deserve and desire my FAIR share of my child and that is what I am opting out for, and it is in the child's best interest to have equal exposure to both parents. It is hypocritical of her to try and keep the child from me when her father was a dead beat her entire life and she had told me in plenty of deep conversations we had about how badly she wished she had a father but he did not want anything to do with her, and he only lived a few minutes away but he desired to have the dream "middle class" life and thought having a child out of marriage would cripple his 'reputation'. Because the court here was closed an extended period for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years they have been backed up and just served her papers last week for a pre-trial date of February 16th. With the papers the court decided to go ahead after reviewing my petition and ordered a parent education program to be completed by court date. The February 16th date is a pre-trial where the court will order a DNA paternity before setting the trial date for custody and visitation. I plan to call my ex and I am sure she will not answer and leave her a message saying to return my phone call, we need to discuss the parent education order (minimum of 1 required) to take and call and set a time.

This is just a quick over view of the situation leaving many, many, and many details out but not exactly pertinent to my questions.

I am seeking advice on if my attitude should be aggressive or gentle/kind but still confident when I call her and as well as when my lawyer and I present my case to the judge. Any suggestions???