Any really funny quotes or ones that you just really like!?

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here? Billy Connoly

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. George Globol

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them. Dick Van Dyke

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. Author Unknown

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. Charles Schulz

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. George Ade

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. William Castle

Without geography, you're nowhere. Author Unknown

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. P.D. East

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Author Unknown

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. Sir Winston Churchill

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. Author Unknown

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit. Bill Maher

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Unknown

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards. Mark Twain

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Unknown

God's last name is not "Dammit." Unknown

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. Oscar Wilde

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. Oscar Wilde

A line is a dot that went for a walk.Paul Klee

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Robert Bloch

Have a nice day! :)

I have several.

It is better to live one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep. - Italian proverb

In a fight, anger is as good as courage. - Welsh proverb

Cry - God for Harry! England and Saint George! - Henry V, iii, 1 (Sorry I had to include that. Being English, and being a little bit patriotic...also Henry V was by far the best Monarch we ever had, and is not likely to be beaten by any present or future monarchs of this country!).(and yet, he was welsh!).

Will no one avenge me of the injuries I have suffered from one turbulent priest? - Henry II, King of England

It is a quote of anger, which he didn't intend to have action taken upon. Thomas A'Beckett, who was at one point a close friend to the king, was murdered by some of the King's soldiers who overheard this. Thomas Becket's story is an interesting one, and you may wish to read up on it here. It is a sad story because the two were friends but in Becket's becoming the Archbishop of Canterbury things changed....you might want to see the whole story for yourself here...

http://www.britainexpress.com/History/Henry_II_and...

Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbour. It makes you shoot at your landlord and it makes you miss him. - Irish proverb

It's kinda funny to me at least....

and finally

"I may be able to speak the languages of human beings and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains - but if I have no love, I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and even give up my body to be burned, but if I have no love, this does me no good." - Corinthians Ch.13.

This passage and the remainder of the chapter are probably what I would consider the most important. It is not about a specific love for one individual but a love that encompasses all things and all people.

Love is like the wind. You can't see it, but you can feel it.

NEVER GIVE UP on something you can't go a day without thinking about

What's this thing you call "normal"? Is it contagious?! OMG!!! Don't touch me! I might catch your "normal"!

MOVE ON. It's just a chapter in THE PAST. But don't close the book, JUST TURN THE PAGE.

a person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.

being happy doesnt mean everything is perfect. it means youve decided to see beyond the imperfections

BE STRONG NOW because things will get better. it might be stormy now but it cant rain forever

sometimes you need to run away just to see who will come after you

girls can do anything boys can do. and we can do it in high heels

when nothing goes right...go left.

never regret something that once made you smile

Don't tell me the SKY is the limit, when there are FOOTPRINTS ON THE MOON

and mah personal fav: Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain.

‘Sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of – it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after ‘I love you’ or ‘You’re going to live’ or ‘It’s a boy.’

“A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he’s persuasive. ‘Dude make a left.’ ‘Those are trees…’ ‘Trust me.’

I was gonna get a candy bar; the button I was supposed to push was "HH", so I went to the side, I found the "H" button, I pushed it twice. F*ckin'...potato chips came out, man, because they had an "HH" button for Christ's sake! You need to let me know. I'm not familiar with the concept of "HH". I did not learn my AA-BB-CC's. God god, dammit dammit.

I just bought a 2-bedroom house, but I think I get to decide how many bedrooms there are, don't you? "**** you, real estate lady! This bedroom has an oven in it! This bedroom's got a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom's over in that guy's house! Sir, you have one of my bedrooms, are you aware? Don't decorate it!"

"We have to go eat some cheese before we hit the stage. It's a ritual." Brendon Urie

If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie. "Come on 'long prosperous life!'"

It is alleged that Sir Winston Churchill came home one night and his maid pointed out that once again he was a complete drunken mess. His reply was, "I may be drunk but in the morning I will be sober. Unfortunately you will still be quite ugly."

Frost Gump

"mama always said , life is like a box of chocolates .. you never know what you gonna get"

WE GO PLAY HOOP

Thanks Tut, Gramps, Choom Gang, and Ray for all the good times.

STILL LIFE

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If you don't like my peaches, then don't shake my tree.