Honest Opinion please?

Question

It is not finished, but what do you think of my lyrics, it is a rap song, called death upon my door.





Life is like a roller-coaster with your ups and downs and twists arounds,
If I let go will I fall to the ground?
Death is upon my door I can feel the mortality of my soul,
drifting away in an eternal flow,
I can see the strings of reality
pulling and tugging at me
like a puppet among the night as I stand and try to fight.
Living life on memory, wishing I could go back '93
when right was right and wrong was wrong,
there was no in-between.
I was only five, but I had a dream
like Dr. Martin Luther King,
a dream of a world of peace and harmony,
until I became jaded and realize this could never be
as much as it pains me to see,
there can not be good without evil beings.
If you live by the sword, you die by the sword
so at the end of my day, submerge my beating heart on the tip of the blade,
so that I may feel life till the end of my pain.

On bended knee I pray to thee
wondering if you are reality
or another lie they told to
Is it some fantasy
made up by some little kid
who thinks there has to be
more to life than what we see

Jimmy · Accepted Answer

That's pretty cool man. I liked it. Help me with this please?

sometimes in life we take the hard  road- but it's ok-don't worry now my love-beacause ive chosen to go on ahead with the scars-and i know this road will make us stronger- 

so don't say i give in- and don't say i give up-because in life their are roads- filled with bumps and holes-but the end-i know-it's you and me

people say -look your bond has weakened-but they can't see, what tears us little will heal us to make us stronger-they can't see what we've learned-the path of yesterday we leave to take on a new one- 

and in the end i know its you and me- so it's ok ive chosen to take the scar- so its ok ive chosen to live life under the stars- 

so darling-don't say i give in-don't say i give up-life has its blisters and leaves its marks-but don't you dare say i-i give in-and don't say i give up-because in the end it's you and me-yes in the end it's you and me

rattled- i'm shaken- whats happened to our foundation-have we forgotten and lost ourselves in this new facade-breaken and taken-every last breath to hold myself up- a promise to you-take my hand and let us rebuild together 

cause remember -those words-so many months ago- and remember that bond that first showed- showed us to say

so don't say i give in-and don't say i give up- because life has it's bumps and holes-
and if you ever breakdown-i'll be there turn around-to rebuild and help take you home-to rebuild and help take you home

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Honest Opinion please?

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