A possible bio sibling?

Briyana --

Yes, my natural parents went on to have 5 children (separately) after I was born and adopted -- Mom had 3, and Dad had 2. I never expected anything different. I am the first born on both sides and I thought it was only natural that they would have families (I even hoped they would marry each other... but they didn't).

I didn't reunite with my natural family (families, actually) until I was over 30 years old because I could not (still cannot) have access to my original birth certificate or any information regarding my adoption -- I had been searching since I was 14, very actively since I was 22.

I guess I just always "knew" that my parents would have other kids... the thought of it never bothered me and it never occurred to me that they might not.

My Dad's youngest daughter (we, his kids, are all girls) is not even two years old yet and I adore her. I couldn't imagine not having ALL of them in my life. I am very close to my bio-siblings on my Mom's side, too. We are all adults and we get along VERY well even though we live far apart.

I'm curious what 'puts you off' the idea of having a younger sibling? Did you want your (bio) mom to suffer and grieve for you and never have any more kids? I have never lost a child to adoption but I'm pretty confident in saying that she still suffers the loss of you, even if she had more children... children born to our mothers after they lost us DO NOT replace us... they can't.

I wonder, too, if you have considered that the picture might be of you? Or of your mom, herself? There are a million possibilities and you know how Facebook is... I have put my own baby pictures up as my profile picture as well as pictures of other people and even cartoons, animals, even 'words'.

I don't know you or why you decided to end your reunion but maybe you need to rethink having some (even just a little) contact with your mom, take it slowly and see how things go. The beginning of a reunion is so, so intense and can lead to mis-communication and misunderstanding. Why not tell your mom how her comments made you feel and see what she says? She may not have meant what you thought... Of course, I don't know if you already have done that.

In any case, please think about it. You sound like you are hurting and maybe don't know what to make of things. The first thing I would suggest is (if you have a way to) find out who the baby is -- don't worry about what it "means" until you know what you are actually seeing.

From my experience, I can tell you that having a relationship with your natural siblings is unique and special and not to be missed. You have the chance to know your family -- there are many of us who never get that chance and many, like me, who have to wait an awfully long time to start.

Take care of you and I hope you find peace.

Sounds like you do need her in your life, for checking out her facebook page and for being jealous. Don't beat yourself up for being normal and don't beat her for being normal too. She is allowed to move on and to love other people, like you have too.

The thing with adoptees when they find their natural mom is that they feel enormous guilt to the adoptive family and compare and contrast both families way too much. There is nothing to compare and there is nothing to feel grateful for or loyal to because 1) your a-parents got what they wanted, they got a baby. They should be grateful that YOU adopted them. 2) your natural mother lost you on the count of being an idiot. Whether or not she was coerced or had issues, she knows she screwed up. This is really hard to cope with because she feels like a second class citizen. Yeah, she does need to step up to the plate and make a huge big effort. Your natural mother needs to show you that she is grateful you gave her a second chance.

Nonetheless, your post looks like your examining the hypothetical, the what-if-then-what-senario. Looking like her is just another part of it, maybe you're afraid to resemble her in other ways. But sweety, it looks as though you do want her in your life. Reunion takes time, it's a ride though!

A last thought, I had two kids 6 years after I surrendered my first. What a mother can never reveal is that one was and will always be more special given the circumstances. I think you know what I mean.

Smile and take care of your heart.

im adopted and i think i would feel the same way if that happened to me.....i would feel more sorry for the baby than anything else though cause i would fear for it's safety and well being