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I was nine at the time. What do you think?

I wanted an exercise from a child's perspective but now I am older than the person I am remembering

MY NANNA

As children we would sit at the end of her bed

She was sick but to us lovely stories she read.

Some times we would bounce but mother would scold

Remember your Nanna is very, very old.

We loved our Nanna, she was special to us,

We’d come to her room from the school bus.

Some poems we would recite after her.

She really loved us just as we were.

Nanna was always sitting up in bed,

We loved to listen to all that she said.

One night it was raining and lightning flashed out.

She would calm our worries and that without doubt.

This one was sheet lightning and that one was fork

But we did not believe what she said of the stork.

One day Nanna was very, very sick

And the doctor was called to be quick.

He brought with him many strange pills,

Nanna would swallow making faces for thrills.

She made us laugh and we loved her so,

But underneath we knew one day she would go.

It was a very sad time for us all

When Nanna made her last curtain call.

3 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    What is obvious about this is the love that is there and the wonderful memories you have. Your words do not read as smoothly as they could. I would suggest starting with trying to rewrite each line to as few words as needed to convey the thought. This is worth taking more time.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Kate it needs revision,

    An example:>

    One night it was stormy,lightning flashed out

    She would calm worries without doubt

    Simple changes that is all to make it more balanced.

  • 1 decade ago

    its great a little sad but great

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