Women, Men, Dating and Intelligence?

Not to toot my own horn, but I myself being involved in the upper end of academic achievement (advanced placement in most classes, high grade point average, Ect.) I have always found intellect to be very alluring. For me it acts as insurance that the man is probably not going to be getting himself in major trouble, it suggests that he is dependable, and it makes the art of conversation a lot more engaging.

Although you are able to think back on some derogatory comments in your relationship, I bet that if you were to think on it there were many times when her high intellect created fun conversation and good times. Overall, I think it is very important that couples be on the same page when it comes to knowledge and intellect because although it may not create a physical attraction it certainly does make it easier to be friends.

I can agree that I've always been attracted to intelligent guys. I love the fact of being able to converse about world events, or some kind of cultural event, or historical moment, without getting a dull look or a yawn. I also really value someone who loves to KEEP learning, and that takes another quality: Humility. That is sometimes rare to find, a guy who is smart AND humble.

As far as a man finding it attractive, I know that some guys in the past called me a "nerd" and didn't vibe with me. My husband on the other hand, said that one of the things that drew him to me (other than my pretty face and slamming body, his words not mine, lol) was the fact that I was smart. He told me " I couldn't get with a dumb girl, what would you talk about, no deep conversations". Of course, this is talking someone looking for a more serious relationship.

I agree with you, I think it does take a level of maturity to realize that intelligence in a woman should not threaten a man in any way at all. In fact, having a woman with some sense means that things will run better in your household in the future. More than likely, she will help budget money better, and if any children come along, encourage learning in the kids too.

That is how many men are, they are intimidated by a woman that is more intelligent than they are. Shame on you, but at least you are mature enough to realize this. I had a boyfriend like that, we were in a serious relationship and at one point her had proposed. But when we would get into an argument about totally something irrelevant. He would throw in, " Oh I'm sorry I'm not as educated as you, I dint go to college." After awhile I got tired of that insecurity he had and ended the relationship. That's not attractive at all in a man. I don't think this is the case with all men though, more the immature shallow men don't care about having someone with no if any intelligence. The same goes for women.

well, i have always regarded an intelligent woman as an overall attractive woman, whether she is fat/thin, tall/short, beautiful/not too beautiful etc. there are women more intelligent than me, i am not the smartest person in the world, but there should be a limit on how crucial of a factor intelligence is a part of your date selection habit: whether it is extremely important or not very important. i think it was a big loss for you to end your relationship with your former acquaintance- but at least you learned from that experience. go out and meet more people now. and try to be more open with women you meet. that is my view.

Interesting story and excellent question.

Personally, I find intelligent women incredibly refreshing.

I like knowing that we can converse about more than the latest gossip, who's doing who, or the most recent episode of Real Housewives of Whatever County.

I need to be stimulated mentally as well as physically and one dimensionals, dullards, and dummies just won't cut it.

Furthermore, I abhor women who have no interest in learning or expanding. Ignorance is one thing, willful stupidity is quite another.

I am certain I am not alone in feeling that way.

To your question:

I think it may be a residual of the age old male/female dynamic.

Women are generally brought up to expect a man to be smarter, stronger, faster whereas men are taught the exact opposite. So when a male is presented with a situation where a female is apparently his mental (or physical) superior, it wrecks his perception of what should be the natural order.

This could lead to underlying feelings of inadequacy and manifest itself in acts of resentment.

I'm not a proponent for the destruction of gender roles in society. They serve a distinct purpose and have tangible benefits.

However, I do believe society would be better served if we allowed for more fluidity in those roles.

Eventually that might result in less of a stigma being attach to those who fit into less than traditional roles in the male/female construct...and perhaps less resentment.

Woah- That 'P.S' was something straight out of Dr. Phil or something. Jeez...i didn't think you had it in you.

Anyway, I'm happy to date a guy smarter than myself. I consider myself to be intelligent but people specialise in different fields. I'm having trouble remembering my times tables, but I could write you an A grade essay on the presentation of male obsession in Browning poetry and say, a Shakespeare play in less than an hour.

I'm an English Lit. student, and I'm pretty damned good at what I do. My boyfriend appreciates this and I appreciate the fact that he can solve seemingly impossible equations within seconds. I'm not threatened by him at all; in fact, I am proud of his many accomplishments.

honestly Some men who are really smart intimidate the hell out of me. I know that i am smart enough and while i was never into science or math, i am always really into art. i have a different sort of intelligence than those men, and when ever they talk to me, i feel self conscious and dumb, even though i know i am not. i would rather have a guy who is imaginative and creative like me, than some one who can tell me about chemistry or math....i tend to stay away from those guys and even get turned off by them.

I look for a total package. I prefer a partner who is able to understand my deepest thoughts. However, book smarts is not always what makes a person capable of this. There are very intelligent men who are emotionally retarded. Have you heard of emotional intelligence? There's a popular book written about it.

A lot of men are a bit intimidated by powerful (intellectual) women.

"I was no doubt impressed by her, but looking back the feeling I had most in regards to her brain power was resentment. I resented the fact that she was more intelligent than me in a particular field I had lots of respect for. I knew she didn't know as much as me in my area of study and others but that didn't matter."

Right here, you acknowledged her intelligence, but attempted to downplay it in the last sentence. It's what many guys do to not feel inadequate since men have been expected over time to be the providers/intellectuals while women were at one point in time supposed to sit and drink tea, or play the piano. Conversing intellectually was unheard of. Hence the term, "Sit and look pretty."

It's not your fault. It's the way of the world.

For women, it has always been popular to be attracted to men who were smart and powerful. Men went for beauty, women for security. So in your situation, the dynamic changed a bit and you were faced with a real equal, and it became unsettling, I guess.

your a caveman. j/k...maybe it goes back to males providing, as a man-I think you relate intellignce to being able to deal with the world better- and get in higher paid jobs etc...so if a woman is just as capable (or moreso in this case) to provide, your not attracted to her. You don't feel needed on any level.