Is my poem okay?(POV of a girl living through poverty) - RE-EDITED?

its about a 13/14/15 yr old girl, who's family is poor. and basically it states her thoughts from her POV - criticism? name ideas? comments? how it makes u feel (the poem)? --- and no, this isnt about my life, or anyone i know - i posted this poem a few hours ago, but someone told me to make it shorter and stuff, so, here is my re-editted version:

Holes are ruining all of my clothes;

If you look down, you can see my toes.

When I'm outside I'm always freezing;

Pleading to go inside, because I am wheezing.

Right now hot chocolate would be nice,

But to me, it's an expensive price.

Getting little packed in my lunch,

Leaves me almost nothing for me to munch.

Hungry and cold, no roof above my head,

I want to lay in a soft and comfy bed.

Our family has one, which we must share;

Not wanting to be selfish, I try not to care.

My marks in school have been getting worse;

Maybe I'm just an unpleasant curse.

Being here isn't even helpful;

All I do is get into trouble.

Freezing with fear,

Burning with pride.

All night long, I cried and cried.

Dressed in barely nothing,

I head out the door.

I'm supposedly out to do my "daily chore".

I walk by all the pricey shops,

And as I pass, say goodbye to the cops.

Step into the freezing cold lake,

Right away I get painkilling aches.

Go right in until your under,

You know that if you don't, you'll always wonder.

Letting the cool water splash my face,

Thinking the whole time, "I am a disgrace."

Becoming paralyzed in the frost-biting ice,

Feels so inviting, feels so nice.

I watch the world around me disappear.

Every second, I get more near.

Frost bite burns my outer skin.

Please forgive my every sin.

Losing consience; sinking down lower.

My body adjusts, to the ocean floor.

Leaving behind all that I cherish;

Slowly and painfully, I begin to perish.