Do you know any good jokes?

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"

"Of course my child, what can I do for you?"

"Here is the problem; I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?"

"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I cannot lie."

"You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions", and she gave him the 'hair remover'.

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?

"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son", he replied. Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what do you have?"

The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used."

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "You may go Father!!!."

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There are 3 people in an airplane.

The first person takes a bite out of an apple, says it's too sweet, and throws it out the window.

The second person takes a bite out of a lemon, says it's too sour, and throws it out the window.

The third person takes a bite out of a grenade, says it's too crunchy, and throws it out the window.

They exit the plane a few minutes later at a nearby airport.

They walk little ways and soon they see a little boy.

They say, "Little boy, little boy, why are you cry?"

The little boy says," An apple came flying from the sky and killed my puppy."

They came upon a little girl and say,"Little girl, little girl why are you crying?"

The little girl says,"A lemon came flying from the sky and killed my kitten!"

They walked a little farther and come upon a boy laughing so hard he was on the ground.

They say "why are you laughing so hard?"

The boy says,"I farted and the building behind me blew up!"

Ahahahahaha!!!

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A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.

After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me.

Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed.

"Where the hell have you been?!"

"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."

"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"

She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!! You went bowling again!!"

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A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife..."

Hope I made you laugh!!! :D

Unfortunately my jokes are all inappropriate:

What is the biggest dilemma for a Jew? Free Pork.

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall? He breaks his nose.

So a blonde, brunette, and a readhead are all running away from the police. They come across a farm, and decide to hide themselves in burlap bags.

The police come by, and kick the first bag to check for the possible perps. The brunette goes 'WOOF WOOF!'.

"Oh it's just a bag of puppies," said the inspector, and moved on.

They kick the second bag, and the redhead goes 'MEOW MEOW!'

'Oh it's just a bag of kittens,' said the inspector, and moved on.

The kicked the last bag, and the blonde goes "POTATOES POTATOES!".

Only 5/4 people in the world have problems with fractions..

There's 10 kinds of people in this world - those who knows binary & those who don't. :3

(at a nudist beach) A little girl went to her mum and said, "mum there is a girl with bigger boobs than you".

"The bigger the boobs, the dumber the girl", she replied

The little girl then went to her dad and said, "Daddy there is a guy with a bigger dick than you".

"The bigger the dick, the dumber the guy", he replied.

The little girl then went back to her mum and said, "mum daddy's with the dumbest girl I’ve ever seen and daddy is getting dumber and dumber every second".

Heard this one from my son:

"There are three kinds of people in this world; those who can count, and those who can't."

http://www.funny.com/