Should I talk to my son before or after?

Staying with an alcoholic husband is not good for you or your son. He knows what is going on and you do need to speak to him about your future plans. Your husband can only fix himself by himself. You and your son need to have a more secure and happy life. You said that you have planned this a number of times, but you seriously need to do what is best for all of you.. Your son should know that he can not help his dad, and is not responsible to take care of him either.

You should tell your son after you have made the decision. You should not put him in the position of being a marriage or personal counselor to you. Let him be a kid - he shouldn't be your confidant or your shoulder to cry on. Think of it this way - if he "helps" you decide to leave your husband - how will that mess with his head later on, when he see's how hard it is for a broken family to move on. He will have "helped" you bring this massive change into your life. Your the Parent - the responsibility and the decision is yours alone.

I understand that it's tough (or nearly impossible) to live with an alcoholic - Al-anon might help you. You will find other people in your community that can assist you with this.

Good Luck

Before making any decisions, you need to start going to Al-Anon meetings. Al-Anon is a support group for relatives of alcoholics. You'll learn a lot there, and get support and advice that is more solid than you may be able to get here.

That said, do not involve your son in your decision. Doing so would make him feel responsible either for your misery or for his parents breaking up. This is a decision for an adult to make on her own. Ask yourself what is best for your son, and do it.

Of all the answers I´ve already seen i think only one gets it right in my opinion. Bear in mind i´m 20 years old and im talking from a perspective of being brought up without a dad. It hurts, it feels like you´re incomplete. Sometimes you wish you had a male model to look up to but there´s none to look up to.

Get help for HIM. If you´ve loved him for that long then that means that even if you want to leave him, you still love him, and that you want your family to stay together. Talk to him about it, tell him as best as you can to get help and fix his drinking problem.

If nothing can be done, in my opinion, tell your son before, so that it´s not a shock to him, but try not to make him feel likke he was the one who made the decision.

good luck

This probably isn't a decision for your son to make. I would think that it would be best to tell him after you have made your decision. You can certainly discuss your situation before the decision. But, don't make him bear the burden of this decision or feel like you have to live with someone else's decision instead of your own. You can certainly involve your son in future decisions should you decide to leave. Good luck.

What is "stage 3" of alcoholism? There is no such thing.

Leave.

He isn't willing to stop, and giving him the "go to rehab or AA or I'll leave" ultimatum will not get him help. He has to WANT to stop, and it doesn't sound like he does.

Let your Son know what is going on before you leave.

Then, you and your son need some intense counseling. You'll be lucky if your son doesn't start exhibiting signs of depression, and turn to alcohol.

Talk to your husband first. Your son should be apprised of the situation only if you are separating or divorcing. Your marriage shouldn't be discussed with him, he's your child not your husband. He's 17, he's in his last year of school and will be moving on with his own life soon enough. Do your best to reassure him that you'll do your best to keep his life stable (staying where you live and finishing @ his HS) but, this decision is yours, not his and it shouldn't be put on his shoulders to help you make it.

tell your son first! i am 16 and my between both of my parents i have been through 4 divorces my mom two and my dad two. and my mom didnt tell me till it was too late and it was the worst thing ever. i really advise getting your sons opion. it may not change the way u feel about your husband. but still it would be better for both of you

Your son will probably be DELIGHTED that you are finally taking the first step to get your life back. I think you should tell your son, and then your husband.

Best of luck with it, dear.

If you want the best for your son and he tells you not to leave his dad then what?

I personally think you should do what you need to do then tell your son how it is.