How to work on marriage while still angry?

Oh my dear anger is just one of the 5 feelings you are going to experience.

Find some one you can talk with about it. [a close friend, priest, counselor] Get it out first then talk with him. Find the true cause of the problem it is usually deeper marital problems.

Check out this site:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/

He should realize that this will come up alot in fights. Its natural. You should get counselling for yourself to overcome the inadequacy feelings and work thru the hurt, and go to marriage counselling together so that he hears it from a 3rd party's perspective... You need to lay down the law with him: he has to be completely transparent. Give you access to whatever you want, whenever you want. Passwords, cell phone records, etc. Along with agreeing to cut off all contact with this woman immediately. Also, he has to understand how hurtful it was. Explain to him that you DONT trust him but you want want to again and its going to take a long time (he needs to hear you say those words). He also needs to know that you will have good days where everything seems okay, and you will have bad days where you'll bring it up and be completely upset by it, and he needs to just be supportive of your emotions and reassure you that everything is ok and he's there for only you! Many men think that after a few weeks, the anger "seems" gone so they dont have to care anymore... And that's when marriages begin to fall apart. There are children involved so you really need to be a hard a s s about this! The minute he starts to seem shady or gets mad at you for something you say, you need to leave. Maybe not forever, but he needs to know that your serious and wont put up with him not being supportive and PROVING just how sorry he is, for as long as it takes for you to be okay again.

Stop the nasty mean comments. don't be sarcy. let it all out in 2 big goes:

a big violent nasty outburst with the family member he had an affair with.

and a big, crying, pouting, don't-touch-me-again-till-I get-my-head-around-this row with him.

then don't talk about it to ANYONE until you have worked thru it on your own. then put it behind you.

Refuse to give him any more of your time and get rid of the cheater.