I think i'm depressed, and reckless...?

Hey, im a 19 year old guy and I think i'm suffering from depression. I would go into detail of what's making me feel this way but I can't find the words to explain.

Basically, i've been feeling really out of it for the past couple of weeks, really down and out, feeling regret for things I shouldn't blame myself for.

I often cry at night, or before I go to sleep because so many negative things go through my mind at once and I just break down.

The reckless part, like earlier today I started to feel down, and I was out driving and for some reason I started to drive recklessly, thinking the rush would make me feel better, I did however feel a little better afterwards, but the thing is I can't do that because it's dangerous for my life and others.

Another thing is I sometimes consume things, like buy things, I by no means have a lot of money, but it makes me feel...good, not to spend money or to swipe my card, but the feeling of getting something that I want, makes me feel normal. Then later a regret it spending all my money, and it starts all over again.

I often think about things that could give me a rush to compensate for how I feel, like doing something that would get the attention of someone so they could...help me, so I can talk to them because right now I don't have anyone I can talk to, or relate to. No one.

I feel like i'm in this world by myself with no direction, or a mind of my own.

Please don't call me crazy, i'm not crazy, I'm just feeling really down right now...

What should I do? I nor my parents can afford a therapist I don't think.

I can't do this much longer...