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? asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

is this poem good enough for at least a B in class?

Crystal sea of crystal blue

i see the beauty

i see it true

you wonder me

in every wave

oh great sea

once again

crystal sea of crystal blue

i see the wonders

i see it true

you plain amaze me

in every splash

faster than the wind?

a lightning dash.

crystal sea of crystal blue

i hear the sadness

i hear it true

each child who must now sway

to there room

after there swimming day

for yet tomorrow

to go and play

oh crstal sea, of crystal blue.

4 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Maybe. It sounds like a lyric when you use a refrain. I was thinking if you keep repeating the same line, then maybe you might keep the words in it to just one, so instead of using "crystal" twice in "crystal sea of crystal blue" perhaps "mystery sea of crystal blue" would help cut down on straining it to being boring with the overuse of "crystal." Also "you plain amaze me" SB "you plainly amaze me"

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    yes, I would remove "of", from crystal sea of crystal blue and replace it with a comma.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'd give it a B-, maybe.

  • 1 decade ago

    yeah its better than that.. keet up the great work!

    oh and ^agreed to all the good suggestions above..!!

    answer mine please: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlsyW...

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