What do you think went wrong?

Question

My ex and I dated for 6 years and married for 20 years. 

In 2008, he got into an affair with his direct-report who is 17 years younger. They couldn't breakup, so we ended up with a divorce. 

He asked if I could wait for him until he retires. He said I am the best thing ever happened to him and he couldn't find a better wife. But she is so sweet and vulnerable,  so he had to do it.  He felt that he is man who believes that marriage is a lifetime commitment, so he wondered perhaps we could retire together? (BTW, I am 5'5" and 124 lb. Very fit and youthful looking. So, it is not that I am an eye sore.)

Of course that wasn't acceptable to me. But I am just wondering how can somebody come up with this type of ideas and request after doing what he did?  

Any idea and insights?

Diane&#39;s Free to Breathe Again · Accepted Answer

Why should you continue to be the "nice guy" in all of this, considering how badly he has hurt you?  Why would you even consider "helping" him look good on paper, so that he can obtain a better retirement for another woman and himself?
Stop enabling him to have his cake and eat it too.  Maintain your self respect.....and dignity,  You owe him nothing.  And for the most part, your "husband" has a lot of nerve asking you to continue to fulfill his needs, considering he obviously cares nothing about your needs and feelings.  Stop being your "husband's" doormat.  He is using you.....stop allowing him to do so.

? · Answer

He wants you to wait? And what? Come back to you when he can no longer take care of himself?
Youre not a home-for-the-aged! Im married for 8 years now, and my husband gave me the same excuse and request. I told him NO. I dont want to lose my self-respect. You should do the same. Dont let him treat you like that. If after all the years youve been together, he will just treat you this way, he's not worth waiting.

myant · Answer

if you would be willing to wait for him you would be a fool... why hed come up with such a request is beyond me... perhaps he is more selfish than you can imagine... could be he wasnt brought up right... so sweet and vulnerable... kiss my azz, he is a spineless integrity less adulterer. tell him youll enjoy his retiremnet money anyway as you were married to him for more than 10 years at least thats the law in ny... sick sick sick... i hope his kids dont take after that behavior.

beachgirl · Answer

wow....sounds complitcated. I think this isn't something that can really be answered here after 20 yrs of marriage! If he wants to be with someone else, then yeah I'd say its over!!!!

Blue · Answer

It sounds like he wants the best of both worlds. Don't let him take advantage of you. The best marital advice that I have ever gotten is this:

For men- Treat your wife the way want your daughter to be treated.

For women- Don't stay with a man that treats you like you wouldn't want your daughter be treated.

groundhog · Answer

My ex did some crazy stuff with ridiculous reasoning, like you are getting. It turned out that she was depressed.

babyclam · Answer

he just want yopu to think he is a good guy who is pleasing every women he slept with
so don trust him
and move on
since u r nice looking
no worry i bet u can found a better one

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What do you think went wrong?

7 Answers