Can I baptize myself? My family doesn't really like church.. I've read I need a recording to prove it?

Your family doesn't like what it assumes is "church".

What most people call "church" isn't waht God called His Church.

Are you going to be denied what God wants for you & your family by going along with their prejudice?

Baptism is burial of the old ways, incl. reliance on family so self-baptism if you are NOT willing to do this is a meaningless ritual.

Get in touch, get informed, GET the New Life.

(Acts 2:4, 33-39)

Usually someone in the church does it. I would talk to the church you plan to go to and see what their specific rules are. Different religions are so different in their baptism rules it is hard to say just from what little info you've provided.

There are six types of baptism explained in our scriptures. What is normally called baptism in christianity is the baptism of repentance, which is a public display of your "born again" change in life. It is an outward public display of of your inner change. It requires at least two witnesses like everything else in scriptures. You read wrong.

You cannot baptize yourself you can in an emergency ask anyone to baptize you. It should be done in a church and yes records are kept because you can only be baptized once.

I can't imagine who you would be proving it to. If you beleive god is omniscient then he should be able to figure out that you dumped some water on your head.