Jehovah's Witnesses & Anyone Else Interested In Answering (Only if you have nothing better to do xD).....?

Question

Imagine this scenario:

There's a certain "clique" in a certain congregation [Note: Vot is misusing the word "clique" here] consisting of two sisters (Mary and Anna) and one brother (Tom). They are all of the same age, and while they don't always hang out together, if there is any congregation get-together or other leisure activity planned, the three are ALWAYS there together. Many times they themselves are the ones doing the planning and inviting others.

Anna and Tom have more things in common than Mary has with either of them (for the sake of this scenario, Vot will say for example- background, native language, family situation, social status, hobbies, favourite TV shows, taste in music etc), so it's easier for them to "communicate in a crowd". 

At one point, Mary asks Anna whether there is something going on between her and Tom. Anna says no, and that Tom is "free game".

Anna thinks Mary is romantically interested in Tom herself, and when the subject comes up one day (i.e the subject of all the crushes the ladies have on Tom), Anna tells Tom she thinks Mary is interested in him. Tom says he doesn't believe that, but he doesn't say whether he likes the idea or not. Mary does not know about this conversation.

At a later date, Mary once more asks Anna whether she is sure there is nothing going on between her and Tom (with the basis for the Q being all the "inside jokes" Mary does not understand and their (i.e Anna and Tom's) frequently working together in the ministry). 

After a third occasion and a third denial, Anna starts wondering:

1) whether there might be something to Mary's 'suspicions'- after all Tom had joked in the past about how Anna was a 'shield' for him because interested sisters assumed from a distance that he was "taken" already and thus left him alone- could Tom be interested in Anna himself?

2) whether she should 'distance' herself from Tom since their circumstantial closeness seems to make Mary feel left out and possibly makes her feel that Anna is preventing Tom from noticing Mary (assuming Mary IS interested in Tom), which could affect their (Anna and Mary's) friendship.

All the individuals involved are free and old enough to date/marry and in good standing and what have you.

What would YOU say to/about Anna about her "wonderings"?

Vot sucks at playing "Agony Aunt", so it'd be nice to hear from others. Thanks xD

Oh- and do you think King Solomon's 700 wives bickered a lot?

angelmusic · Accepted Answer

Common interests can translate into romance if not held in check.

So Anna and Tom - individually would have to determine if that is the direction they would accept and deal with if they all of a sudden found themselves in such a situation.

It is hard to maintain a "friend" relationship with one of the opposite sex without clear guidelines and boundaries. Perhaps there needs to be more distance IF that is an undesirable situation to develop - ie different spiritual goals, etc.

I do agree though if there is a desire of Tom for either Anna or Mary as a dating prospect - it will be evident in time. 

If Mary wants to increase her chances of being the one selected, she can plan an activity with the two of them in a group minus Anna and see what conversation comes up. Is it all about Anna? And vice versa. All about Mary?

And if what I'm saying seems strange - well I have been married going on 43 years and I'm long past the dating stage. Time does seem to have a way of erasing that strange situation of seeking a mate.

D-Marie · Answer

Too much thought in to this if these 2 are able to date and interested they would make it known. They may become interested in the future or maybe not. 

Solomon s 700 wives must have had some issues there are only 365 days in the year so they would have to go so every year about 335 wives did not get any individual attention. Not to mention how frustrated I would be if I got to see my husband only once a year....

nunya · Answer

I went through this same situation: I had a guy best friend that I grew up with, and later, when I moved away, I became best friends with a sister in our hall; not because we had anything in common, but because we were always in service together. I would always tell her about him: how he's a ministerial servant, real funny, great personality, etc., so naturally  she began to develop an interest in him. She always asked if he and I had anything going on. I denied it every time. When he and his family came to visit, she asked me again. I continued to deny. So she began to try her best to catch his eye, while I continued to be myself around him- not putting on makeup or fancy clothes and jewelry; just a "jeans and t- shirt" kind of girl. I told her that he was "free game" and that it was his choice ad that I would put no effort into attracting him. Needless to say, after he was gone, I found a love letter under MY pillow... So my advice is: let him choose. Don't try and guess because the answer might totally surprise you. I don't think she should distance herself, but rather, BE herself and see what happens. I only hope that if he does like her, then Mary won't end her friendship with Anna over a boy.

USA # 1 · Answer

Aloha Vot,
I would think that "Mary" should sit down with "Tom" and "Anna" sometime, and have a nice open conversation, and have all people speak honestly about where they are, and what they are looking
 for in this "relationship"
Me thinks that complete openness & honesty are key to any good personal relationship(s) that are or may be.......
BUT, being real, that may not always be possible, but it is a goal to always strive for!
Good luck with your scenario....

sugarbee · Answer

Vot has a crush on Tom???  LOL
As for Solomon's wives.....OF COURSE!  It's hard putting 2 women in the same household.
That's a lot of hormones working overtime!

בַר אֱנָשׁ (bar_enosh) · Answer

Ah, the agony of young love!!!  Oh, the blessings of not being (that) young!!!

Do things really have to be that complicated?  Or is the mystery and the attraction in the complication?

Maybe all involved should just sit down and have a honest conversation about it all.

Yes, my 700 wives bickered a lot, lol.  That's why I kept out of the house and wrote books. :D

Anonymous · Answer

Talk to Tom. Ask him if he's interested in Anna or Mary.

==

Oh and Solomon? Yes, of course his wives bickered a lot. That's why he had 700 of them. He kept trying to find that elusive wife that didn't bicker... ;o)

Anonymous · Answer

This sounds like some kind of a soap opera.  It's too much drama.  You should adopt a simple life.    All the emotion drama will just stress you out.  Basically, I would try to not over-analyze the situation.  Smart women sometimes do that.  It just makes you crazy.  I would focus on the eternal things.

Voltron · Answer

So is Anna interested? If she really isn't then she should be keeping a slight distance. If Tom is interested then he would probably have to be man enough to let the person he is interested in know.

I'm almost guessing whom we are talking about.

? · Answer

My thoughts are, if Anna is interested, she should go for it.  If she is not interested, then what Mary and Tom have/don't have going should mean nothing to her.

It sounds like someone is making their world much harder than it needs to be.

(((Vot)))

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Jehovah's Witnesses & Anyone Else Interested In Answering (Only if you have nothing better to do xD).....?

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