Is there ever a good way to express to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder that they need to get help?

Ask her if she truly wants to get better, even if it involves some unpleasantness for a while. I suggest first getting her: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Jeffrey Brantley, and reading: The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living With Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder, by Randi Kreger and James Paul Shirley. A previous answer follows: Often because of their upbringing, people suffering from BPD lack the ability to regulate their moods, tend to see things in terms of black and white, rather than shades of grey, and often idealise, then devalue, in relationships. They also tend to have a great fear of abandonment, and sometimes go to extreme lengths to prevent it. They often become involved in alcohol and/or drug abuse, and/or high risk activities. Closely examine the http://1-800-therapist.com/ & http://www.metanoia.org/choose/ websites. Contact the local & national organisations of clinical psychologists, therapists, and/or psychiatrists, to find a therapist who uses Dialectical Behavio(u)ral Therapy, or get a good book on the subject, and give to a therapist using Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy (fairly common, and probably nearby) and ask that it be incorporated into your treatment. Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT) http://www.priory.com/dbt.htm & http://www.behavioraltech.com/downloads/dbtFaq_Con... Some locators are via the index page, at your-mental-health.8m.com below.

Workbooks that offer good coping skills are: Marsha Linehan's Skills Training Manual (a DBT Workbook). Read "I hate you: don't leave me." by Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D. and Hal Stras. Also: NEW HOPE FOR PEOPLE WITH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER, by Neil R. Bockian, Ph.D., & The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide - Paperback (Nov 2007) by Alex Chapman and Kim Gratz, & Borderline Personality Disorder For Dummies (For Dummies [Health & Fitness]) by Charles H. Elliott and Laura L. Smith, & "Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified" by Robert O. Friedel. Try www.amazon.com for these, and others on BPD. View: http://www.sane.org/information/factshee%E2%80%A6 & http://www.2knowmyself.com/uieforum?c=sh%E2%80%A6 Check out: www.borderlinepersonalitytoday.com/main/chat.htm & www.mhsanctuary.com/Borderline/board2d.htm & www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/ & www.ehow.com/how_2154549_find-borderline-personality-disorder-support.html & www.borderlinecentral.com/articles/bpdsupportgroups.shtml

Practice a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.htm... or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditat... or http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate or Yoga Nidra, (a series of easy mental exercises only; no flexibility required) on page L, at 8M.com. Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along such lines are at http://your-mental-health.8m.com/blank_11.html and see page X about BPD.

Maybe what you need to do is break down. She obviously feels some sense of security while talking with you, and though her mental state may not be the best right now, she still respects your words. Just be there for her. Tell her how much you and so many other people miss the person that she is. Make her feel special. Go out of your way. Women appreciate the smallest things. Give her a card at random, with words of inspiration on the inside, give her a random phone call late at night when shes about to settle in for bed. "I just wanted to tell you goodnight and make sure you are alright." or just even little compliments. Tell her know that you could never ever ever imagine how she must be feeling, but that you are deeply hurt in knowing that she is hurt. Let her know that is it ok to break down and scream. Tell her "Vent to me. I wont say 1 word...just talk!" It is always good to keep reminding her that you could NEVER imagine how she feels...because right now she feels alone. She feels as though nobody can relate to her and that she is a 1 man team. Just let her know that she does have a support system and that you are right by her side through thick and thin. Wait until you are in a conversation and put your hand on her knee or on her hand and say "Please dont take this as an insult...but you would have NOTHING to be ashamed of if you wanted a therapist..or even medication to help her through. Tell her that everyone needs somebody mutual on their side. Somebody AWAY from home..where she can cry and scream and pull her hair out...There is no shame in seeking help to better yourself. It is a sensitive subject to talk about with ANYONE...just let her feel like she is in control. Nobody will EVER replace her child, and though I do not know you or your loved one, my thoughts and prayers are with you both.

You are such a kind person for taking such a whole hearted interest in the mental and physical safety of this person. Good luck to you and your loved one.

Time heals all wounds, and her child will never be forgotten. They are in Heaven looking down upon her tears, hoping they will subside.

Sounds like you have to make a tough decision on how you will handle this, will you be the friend that lets her disorder take charge and ruin all your lives or will you be the true friend and tell her to get some help and move forward with the support you the rest of her family are willing to help provide.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh I do not mean to offend anyone, if you go with the second option and she pushes you away then at least you can say you tried to help them like a true friend should.

You are in a tough spot--and i commend you for your concern. Borderline personality is hard to deal with because the person craves attention and help, yet pushes it away alot of the time.

And threatening suicide is constant for alot of people with this disorder. Set boundaries and keep yourself sane and safe.

Offer to listen and help until she becomes abusive. if she threatens suicide and is dramatic--tell her you will call 911

Take her to a concert or influence her with bird music. Maybe find her a boyfriend, just being there keeps her safe from herself.