Please advise me on my 14 year old son?

First of all, I think you need to stop spending money on this kid. Being able to give a kid resources is great, but clearly he does not appreciate them and does not plan to actually use them. I don't know what would make him think he doesn't need an 8th grade education, but whatever it is, he may snap out of it once he stops getting an allowance and/or moves out and discovers that in the real world, people need to work hard to survive.

Frankly I think it sounds like he may need to make some of his own mistakes. What you have described is a degree of rebellion that likely won't be solved just with counseling or special programs. The kid needs a shock to his system, and it probably needs to be something he gets himself into. He pictures you as trying to force him to do what you want him to do, so he's probably not going to listen to anything you say or take seriously any programs you try to sent him to. Maybe moving out and to a place where he'd actually need to earn his keep would be the best thing for him for a while.

Unfortunately, when someone is on the "wrong path," you often can't just snap them out of it. They're on the wrong path because they think it's the right path, and they won't get off of it until they discover that it isn't working for them anymore. Some people more than others need to discover things for themselves rather than be told them. It sounds like your kid might be one of those who won't stop doing stupid stuff until it lands him in trouble.

A good start would be making him earn his allowance by doing schoolwork. The suggestion will probably make him very angry and he may start threatening to leave, but if I were you I wouldn't back down from this. Giving him lots of money to spend on who-knows-what sounds like a terrible idea when he's not doing anything at all to earn it. For most kids, their schoolwork is considered their "job," and they get allowance as long as they're going to school. If he's not going to school or working or doing anything for his future, giving him money is only going to encourage him to think he can get away with no education and no work ethic.

It is very possible that this kid does have learning disabilities, but what you've described here goes beyond that. Someone with learning disabilities who actually realizes the value of education and hard work is going to be looking for help with their disability, not refusing flat-out refusing to do any work. If he wants to see a therapist, by all means pay for him to do so. If he wants to see a tutor or enter an educational program, pay for him to do so. But if he refuses to do any of that and he sits around demanding more money, don't give it to him. Maybe he'll develop some interest in his own future once he experiences what it's like to not be able to get whatever you want.

Feel free to email or IM me if you want to discuss this issue more. I am not a parent but I was a teen myself not so long ago so I have some experience with teen psychology. I have seen a lot of parent-teen communication problems and I like to try to help with them when I can.

It sounds like he's being a rebellious teenager, and you are right to feel the way you do, NOW is the time intervene. Instead of sending him away and catering to his needs, I would show him what life would be like without you. Ever seen World's Strictest Parents on CMT? Watch an episode. The first thing I would do is take away his allowance and any other luxuries that he has (stereo, TV, even his bed if you have to). When he complains, threatens, cries, whatever he does to manipulate you and try to control the situation, tell him that he's a teenager, that he's your responsibility, and that you're not going to put up with his threats or tantrums. If he tries to leave, call the police. That should scare the hell out of him. Take him to a homeless shelter or tour a jail, show him what will happen if he continues on this path. Once he breaks down, sit him down (whether it's at home or at a park, etc., somewhere quiet where you can talk), and ask him what's going on in his life. Just listen to everything he has to say. Then explain to him that you love him, and you want what's best for him, even if he can't see it. After all of that, offer some solutions to whatever his issues are, whether it be rehab, an extracurricular activity for him, or something that you can do together. Good luck! Glad to see a daddy that cares!

Sometimes we have to look inside ourselves. What you are facing now is the result of choices you made. I don't mean this to sound harsh on you, but your answer lies inside you. What will happen when you die? I say even if it is the most painful decision you make, it is probably the only course of action you have now... let him move out. Better yet, you put him out. You are not the one who keeps him away from drugs. You are not in control. Only two things will happen anyway, he will either straighten out and lead a good life, or he won't and he'll lead a bad life. The consequences of leading a bad life will fall on him, not on you- you are paying a price for something else which at this point is only in your head. People who do not live a good life are exposing themselves to the discipline of nature. Nature has a way of disciplining those who will not discipline themselves. Many don't survive and I sure hope your son would not fall to that group. But that is a possibility in reality you have to come to terms with and accept, just as another possibility is that he will want to change on his own. My advice is not to seek too much advice. For someone to tell you what to do they would have to have lived in your shoes under the exact same circumstances. Justification is not advice. You find some quiet time and listen to your heart and then follow it. God bless,

This Kid Is Trouble, Though Sounds Like Me Just Worse, Erm, Send Him To An English School He Soon Will Learn. Since We Not Public School And Our Teachers Are Kinda Scary Unless You Know How Too Handle Them. If He Carries On In The States He Will Get Shot Down. Which Will/Could Kill Him. And We Wouldn't Want That. I Don't Know How You Can Get A Lad To Listen. I Been Trying It For Years. Don't \Give Him More Money, If He Is Spending It On Drugs. Get One Of His Older Brother/Sister To Tell Him. There Closer To His Age.. I Would Talk To Him But I Don't Know Him.

Jessi

14 yrs Myself :)

he shouldnt be getting any allowance until you know that you can trust him. Send him to a private school where the environment is better than a public one, groups can have huge influences on people. Also the computerized lessons might be a little embarrassing to him, just let him do what the other kids do, it sounds like he just wants to fit in. Be firm, and stand by what you say.

personaly i kno this isnt the answer you want to hear

but its the truth

im in highschool and a freshman girl, and am alongg the same lines

i do drugs, and skip school a lot, and that is how i want to live my life, ive decided you only live once so im going to try and have as much fun as possible which is what im doing

recently ive gotten into some trouble, threw a party, suspended, and now expelled those are not things im proud of but i dont regret them. my mom has grounded me mutiple times but i kno how i want to live my life and this is how im going to live it, even if i was sent away i would do the same stuff once i got back

but im just saying, this is how your son seems to be, and im sorry to say he will not change until he wants to, you can send him away or do what even you want with him but he will still be the same

id say let him live his life and go threw the consiquences him self

but good luck:]

I'm 17, at 14, i was doing all the same stuff, but i ended up stopping drugs, n i go to school and stuff.

My parents just got real, i couldnt do ANYTHING at all for a week, including go to school, then at the end of the week, we talked and i was ok, it took some time, but im a normal functuning person now

Good luck

Maybe cut back on TV time , allowance all the luxuries make him appreciate everything he has. Make him realize he has a family that care for him and want to help him

What's the goal here? Your own comfort or his rehabilitation?

If your goal is to leave him to his own devices chances are he will be lost to you.

If on the other hand the goal is to save him then if you can't deal with him, find someone who can.

Or learn to deal with him yourself. Paying money does not discharge your parental duties.

Send him to bootcamp if necessary but don't abandon him if you love him as you say.

I'm sorry for the harsh words, I hope you will forgive me.

let him move out if he feels like it... he soon will realize that's not what he actually wants and will be back home... then i guess he's gonna have to put up with whatever you ask him for, as long as he has his house and everything he will do anything, trust me!