"plus one" invitation dilemma?

I never understand why people hold parties/weddings/events and then tell their guests to bring anyone they want. Don't they want their own friends there? People who actually care about their birthday instead of strangers?

The birthday person, who I guess is the host (another vulgar thing is to throw a party in your own honor) should invite those she wants there. If she didn't invite you, I wouldn't go. It has nothing to do with liking her or not, but everything to do with correct behavior.

Are you sure Cate was allowed a plus one? Very few invites to a birthday party allow you to bring a date. If it was a wedding and my spouse wasn't invited that would be different but a birthday party is usually a smaller event where you invite those who are your friends. As they are suppose to be there to celebrate your birthday, they do not need to bring a date to talk to.

I would possibly talk to the birthday girl and see if you can work things out. That has nothing to do with a birthday party in a couple days though.

Why would "go anyway" even be a choice? She has told you if you come, security will kick you out. So knowing the consequences why would you want to be kicked out in front of all your friends and embarrassed like that? Why would you want to ruin someone's birthday? How would you feel if the situation was reversed and someone came when they were told not to, just to cause a scene?

Obviously you were not invited to the party. Cate may or may not have been given a plus one. You may not feel dislike towards the BG but she definitely feels some for you. You have bad blood, even if it's something you don't know about. It's her day and it should be about her--not about Cate and not about you. You have been specifically told not to go and told you will be kicked out if you do. Yes Cate invited you but it was not her party. The answer is that you should not go.

Cate, who was invited, could make her own choice if she wants to go or not--unrelated to you not being invited.

It would still be a nice gesture to try to work things out with the birthday girl. Perhaps the reason she doesn't like you is something that was misunderstood or a rumor that she heard about you. You might be able to talk that out. I know when I was in high school a girl hated me for dating a guy she was interested in. She'd never talked to me, never told the guy she was interested in him, and never would talk to me about it. However I wasn't going to dump a great guy based on someone who I didn't know liking him so...I guess she still hates me to this day. You can't be friends with everyone. But it would be worthwhile to try and see if you can be friends even though you won't change her mind in 3 days.

When a host issues a "plus one," they cannot dictate who that person brings. Anyone who knows etiquette well enough to use "plus one" should know that little factoid as well. Cate simply should not have told BG who her second was going to be, because in an open invitation like that, it wouldn't actually be her business. She would have to welcome whomever Cate brought.

BUT (and isn't there always a "but?"), if you were not invited because there is already bad blood between you and BG, and all three of you know it, it was exceptionally rude of Cate to flaunt that she HAS an open invitation and will bring anyone she pleases despite knowing full well it would upset the host and spoil the party. In which case I think you're all a bunch of spoiled little game players who should not be pretending to know anything about etiquette, invitation, plus ones, etc., in the first place.

I would simply decline to go, and not because BG is ignorant and rude, but because you're taking the high road.

ADDED:

If it's just because she doesn't know you that well, what an idiot simpleton! How else does she expect she will ever get to know anyone if she doesn't suffer the occasional discomfort of meeting someone for the first time? What a loser. There's no reason for you to want to help this self-centered little girl celebrate her birthday.

I found out when doing my own invitations that the "proper" way to do it is not have the groom's parents on the invite. The invite is for the church, and the bride's parent's are the ones giving their daughter away, so they are technically the hosts of that no matter who pays. If you are going somewhere to get your invitations (rather than online or doing them yourself~which is fine, too!) then you should have a consultation with somebody who will help you figure out exactly what you want. We put both parents on despite what we were told. We liked it better The brides parents should go first: Mr (and Mrs) Father's Full Name Ms Mother's Full name announce the marriage of their daughter, Your Full Name to His Full Name Son of Mr and Mrs His Full Name etc OR Mr Your Father Ms Your Mother and Mr and Mrs His Parents request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their children Your Name and His Name PS...I know how much it sucks, I'm in your shoes. Trust me, every little bit you get done is like a weight off your shoulders!

If the person who is hosting the party says you are not welcome then don't go otherwise it would just cause a scene. Obviously she doesn't want you there and you will not be allowed in. Yes, Cate can invite someone but it has to be someone the host approves of. Do yourself a favour and just don't go. If you do you will make a fool of yourself.

Choice # 2. Don't go. The BG does not want you there, and she is the one who is giving the party. She is entitled to pick and choose who should attend her party.

Not a dilemma. There is only one possible answer.

Don't go.

What Cate does is her choice, but it is not your problem. Just forget about the party, you are not going.

I vote 2. Not go. I never could understand why someone would even want to go where they aren't welcome. I guess it never hurts to talk to someone and see if you can work things out though. Especially if you think that a misunderstanding is the reason why you aren't welcome. I'd probably wait and smooth things over after the party so my motives wouldn't be questioned.

It is HER birthday, not your friends birthday. Your friend has no right to invite anyone without first asking the birthday girl if she was okay with it.

My question is, why would you want to attend the birthday party of someone who doesn't want you there?