People caring for elderly people in nursing homes, what has your experience been? My dad...?

We had to move my Mom to an assisted living a few years ago. She was seeing things and I cannot begin to tell you how horrible this was.

We moved my Mom to my house. Oh my that did not work. After an eternity of things happening for the worst for my Mom, we put her in an assisted living place near me. This was not good. The dr here didn't bother to put her on the correct medicine and she was miserable to all around her.

Then she wanted to go back up where she had lived for years. She had looked at an assisted living place. She was fairly good there for a while. Then they had to move her to the Alzheimer's unit.

Sorry it took me so long to get here. The women in that unit actually did a good job. I can actually say that. They sometimes were annoying of course because this person that they are caring for is your most beloved one. Sighing.....

No one can take care of your loved one the way you do. But I knew that I could not care for my Mom the way they could with nurses and doctors so close by.

I have heard of horror stories. My Mom did die two years ago but when I hear bad stories, it still upsets me. The thought of anyone not taking care of anyone with respect just gives me quivers and gives me the want to hurt them. I do not feel that way towards anyone ever. UNLESS someone hurts the elderly or a child.

Someone who cannot help themselves....well we do not want me to go there.

When I heard what that couple did that cared for the elderly home in New Orleans and then were found innocent. I do not understand. I thought for sure they would be found guilty. Wonder what people think about...letting all those people die needlessly. Then their peers find them innocent..wow! It is just amount of time before they find the money and do it again somewhere else.

But yes there were times that my Mom was a cantankerous lady. But this was not her fault. It was tough to remember that sometimes. I guess there will be some guilt in my heart for the rest of my life. It was such a tough time. I did not understand Alzheimer's at that time. I have learned so much during that time. I can tell you all kinds of things now about that awful disease. But we do not know when we need to know.Do not argue and don't try to reason. They do not understand no matter how much you explain. This is a disease, an awful disease.

This is why I said the place my Mom was in did understand this disease. So if this is where you are ever...be sure that they do. That is why I feel they did do much better than most.

But they will never take care of your loved one like you do. But keep looking to find the best one if needed. It will give you SOME peace of mind. :)

I’ve worked in healthcare for about 14 years and the majority of that time has been with the geriatric population in various nursing homes, skilled nursing facilities, and assisted living facilities. I was a Certified Nursing Assistant, attended nursing school, and now work as an occupational therapist and I’ve seen and heard a lot. I will say that not all facilities are the same, and neither are the facilities’ staff. Usually, the more upscale facilities are able to pay better wages and provide better benefits and are more select in their employee hiring practices. Other facilities have low budgets and it shows in the services they provide and the staff they hire. However, the majority of caregivers in nursing homes are hard workers and truly care about the residents. Although, there are always the "bad apples" that don’t want to do their share of the work and tend to neglect their patients...even more rarely do you come across the criminals who steal from or abuse their patients. Unfortunately you’ll find people like that in any profession. It sounds like you made the best choice with your options, Kar. At least you had your father close and were able to check on him and you chose the best facility you could find. You’ll never know what would have happened with him living alone, even with a caregiver assisting him at times (a serious fall, stroke, or somehow injuring himself and unable to contact help) ... and there’s no way you could’ve foreseen what would occur in the nursing home, but at least you were more available to visit, check on him, get to know the staff, etc. I’ve had to tell many families that their loved one is no longer able to live alone and recommended nursing homes or assisted living and I know it’s never an easy choice, it’s actually quite agonizing. You did the right thing.

I’ve worked in healthcare for about 14 years and the majority of that time has been with the geriatric population in various nursing homes, skilled nursing facilities, and assisted living facilities. I was a Certified Nursing Assistant, attended nursing school, and now work as an occupational therapist and I’ve seen and heard a lot. I will say that not all facilities are the same, and neither are the facilities’ staff. Usually, the more upscale facilities are able to pay better wages and provide better benefits and are more select in their employee hiring practices. Other facilities have low budgets and it shows in the services they provide and the staff they hire. However, the majority of caregivers in nursing homes are hard workers and truly care about the residents. Although, there are always the "bad apples" that don’t want to do their share of the work and tend to neglect their patients...even more rarely do you come across the criminals who steal from or abuse their patients. Unfortunately you’ll find people like that in any profession.

It sounds like you made the best choice with your options, Kar. At least you had your father close and were able to check on him and you chose the best facility you could find. You’ll never know what would have happened with him living alone, even with a caregiver assisting him at times (a serious fall, stroke, or somehow injuring himself and unable to contact help) ... and there’s no way you could’ve foreseen what would occur in the nursing home, but at least you were more available to visit, check on him, get to know the staff, etc. I’ve had to tell many families that their loved one is no longer able to live alone and recommended nursing homes or assisted living and I know it’s never an easy choice, it’s actually quite agonizing. You did the right thing.

The aides at nursing homes are NOT medical professionals, they are any off the street person that is trained through a program usually funded and provided by the nursing home it's self. I was a public assistance caseworker for 30 years and had hundreds of client's that were CNA's. For every one that actually seemed to be a devoted employee, 10 I wouldn't want taking care of my dog, let alone a loved one.

When my brother had a stroke and had to go to a nursing home, the administrator at the home told us to make the CNA's do their job, that many of them try to get family members that are present to do the things the CNA is supposed to be doing and I found this to be the point. We were there ever day for the 6 weeks my brother was in this home (one of the best in our area), and he probably had 5 CNA's during that time that really tried to do their jobs.

I know many people will have different opinions, but I base mine on 30 years of dealing with these people in a professional capacity and 6 weeks of personal experience.

When checking out nursing homes you can go on line for each state and find a website that lists the number and severity of nursing home violations of state regulations. Not one nursing home will have none, and in many of them, the violations frequency and severity are staggering.

It is unfortunate that some people have no choice but to make that decision for their loved one.

Very sad! Unfortunately this occurs even in the most "expensive" of care homes. Expensive does not guarantee quality!

Is there a way you could make a place in your home and hire caregivers, and monitor them, by observation and cameras?

As an RN, I had experience with many, briefly filling in as an agency nurse. Even the professionals were lackadaisical and uncaring. Now and then there would be an honest CNA who actually felt proud of their ability to make the lives of the residents as comfortable and pleasant as possible. These were 1 in 10, or even just one in the whole facility!

It would make his money go further if you provided a home with you and used his SS to help pay for the expense of paying a care giver.

This won't answer your question but I feel I must defend caregivers. I have been one for almost 10 years now and I love my work. I presently work in an assisted living home where we have 12 residents. I have done in home care in the past. In regards to pay, I have been at my present position for 3 years and in those 3 years I have gone from $8 an hour to $8.75 an hour. The work is difficult sometimes and we are very busy. We do everything we can for our residents that is allowed. Being in an assisted living, there are some things we cannot do. But I just wanted to let you know that most of us do love our jobs and we are there for that reason. We aren't in it for the money.

not defending the poor treatment ur dad got at all.but,my wife is a nurse.she began as an aide,to help put herself thru nursing school.nursing aides/assistants are so poorly paid by nursing homes,that most leave for better jobs,or go on to actual nursing.all u are left with for nurses aides are people who ,for whatever reasons,cant go elsewhere.the pay is only a dollar or two above minimum wage and the yearly raises my wife got were in sums as low as 25cents.that was in the 90's.the raises now may be as high as 50 cents!unless nursing aides are paid better,the best and brightest will leave for other careers,and we will be left with those who can only provide substandard care.same with poor pay for those who look after children-the good ones leave,because u cant live on the low income.(my wife did childcare for awhile,too).of coiurse,this is in general-some aides are sensitive,intelligent and dedicated,but these do seem few and far between.the nursing homes make a nice profit,but they pay those who do the "grunt work",very poorly.and so,u get the people who keep the job as they lack the skills/edu8n to go elsewhere.(again,a generalisation,no offense meant at dedic8d and kind workers.)

My mother said she wanted us to never put her in a nursing home, ever. We broke that promise and to make it worse, the mother of nine did not get the visiting she so badly needed.

The staffing was varied, some people could be so nice and others you would wonder how they kept their jobs working with people.

Like you, I seen her go through therapy each week. She would smile at me when I got there to visit. She ate better since the food was served three times a day.

Our elders were raised to be independent and had to stand alone. Now, we have to reverse the roles and help them in every days tasks and it does feel strange at first. It doesn't get any easier as time passes.

The more freedom they have the better. They already hate the idea of being couped up in a center. They have been free their whole life and now they are in something resembling a nice prison.

Get them tools to be free. Life Alert is good for falls. Those chairs that allow them to get up easier by raising on the back end.

FotoDialer allows them to dial people by pressing a button next to their photograph. There are a ton of things out there.

Good luck!

Recently I've seen the inside of three nursing homes.

I keep a pistol under my pillow so I can commit suicide before having to to go to one.