I want to move and my husband does not. What should we do? Please advise...?

That is truly something you & your husband are going to have to work out together. How about a compromise, since you have extra money, to visit your family in NY about 3-4 times/year (you taking the kids when he can't get time off from his GS job). I wonder if you are just really homesick which is surprising for a former active duty military person to me. In my experience, the military and their kids can usually adjust to any place pretty well since they move around so much. Otherwise can you find a more ethnic neighborhood close enough to your husband's day job and I think you can transfer around with a civil service position as well, right? Would your husband consider that? Good luck, sounds like neither of you want to budge on this.

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Well, this is a tough situation and you both need to be willing to compromise. My husband moved up here from America and I live in Canada. We are both happy here, but recently we decided to talk about where we would move if he ever felt he would want to move back to the States. I obviously do not want to leave because I"m very close to my family and he is not.

So, you should sit down with your husband, grab a map and discuss all of the pros and cons of each state that you would live in. Make a list of all the places in the world you would consider moving, and he can do the same. Tell him to put an effort forward, that nothing is written in stone, you just want to see where he is interested in living. Once you get your lists done, break it down to a smaller list by ruling out a few places on each others list. Maybe you'll have a place in common and you can research that place and see how you would feel living there. This way, there may be a chance he is willing to move close to New York so that you can still drive and visit, but not close enough so that he feels he is living there and he would be happy in the new place.

Obviously, it's not that easy to have a decision like this because you both want different things. So you either have to compromise, or one of you will have to give up and settle. This can cause problems as you are no doubt very unhappy and probably slipping into depression. Try to talk to him as much as you can and try to see eye to eye on things. Remember, you can always plan a yearly trip to New York like my husband plans. This way you have something to look forward to every year. Good luck.

Did you all talk about any of this before now? Has he ever allowed your feelings and thoughts to be a part of the decision making process? Seems like its been mostly what he wants.

Looks like marriage counseling is what's needed here. You need some help to get through to him. Since he's so happy, its not likely that he'll do anything differently while you are attempting to get him to see your side by yourself. The sooner you get help, the sooner you'll begin to at least feel better or know how to get his attention.

In the meantime, start creating some connections in the civilian sector. Have you attempted to invite your neighbors for play dates with you and your children or to other fun events you may be able to plan to include them? Might be worth a try.

Also, try to connect electronically (via Skype) to your family. Don't let anything keep you from engaging your children in their culture. They need to have balanced exposure to both cultures.

All the best to you.

So many couples are going through what you are. Your husband sounds like a good man who is committed to his family. He also seems to be financially invested in his business. Is there another state that he is interested in moviing to at all? The only option I can think of is for you to visit NY every 3 months (to get a break from Oklahoma). I don't think I'd be able to live in such a small place either. Good Luck.

I think you only option is to leave. Your husband has a lot of money invested in a business that can't just be up and moved. Economically, you are positioned in a very good part of the country. Closer to NY means Pennsylvania, Connecticut, or Jersey. All of those states have economies in the toilet and a very high cost of living.

I don't blame your husband for not wanting to move. If you are that unhappy, you got to leave.

I think since he is the one working and paying the bills, his job and income should come first when deciding where to live. When he asked or wanted you to become an at stay at home mom you accepted. I understand you not liking the spot your in, but the well being of the whole family should come first. He has invested money in his business, he can't just chuck that aside because you want to move. Instead of looking forward to moving to a different state, try getting him interested in moving to a different city.

My husband and I are in the same boat. We are from the UK. I want to go back as I miss my grandchildren and he wants to stay in Canada. We have been together 30 years. He says he will be unhappy back in the UK and I'm unhappy here so either way one of us in unhappy. But I do think that in later life you should be happy and if you can't compromise then you must do what makes you the happiest.

Calm yourself.

You are bored silly.

You need to take some courses on line or at a school part time (military pays for state schools so this is not costing you anything) - when the twins are in school full time - get yourself a nice job. There you will make some friends.

As for your kids education - they are getting a good education. It may not be as diverse as you would like - so supplement it with great literature from the library (kids books by Pinsky are terrific).

Stop hating it and learn to live with it. You have too many positives in your life to screw this up.

The first thing you must know is if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end. Learn here https://tr.im/10tGw

If you are looking for someone to blame or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage, again, it's going to fail.