I feel like dying. The boy I love broke up with me over our future? What do I do to stop the pain?

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, hes 18 and Im 17 (nearly 18). We lost our virginity to eachother and everything and he is the first boy I have ever loved. I would lay down and die for him, I love him so much. I don't care if you think I am too young to be in love, my mum was my age when she met my dad and they are still together and shes now 42.

To cut a long story short on sunday I went to his house. He kept cuddling me and kissing me and smelling me and generally acting strange. I asked why and he said he would tell me later, and that he had my late valentines card to give to me, but I would probably want to rip it up later. I thought he was acting really weird but he was being so loving. We slept together and everything, and he kept cuddling me and smelling my hair, saying how I was the perfect girl for him and not to ever forget that.

Eventually I managed to persuade him to tell me what he wanted to say but he hid under the duvet and couldn't say it. If you saw him, hes 6'1, athletic and into the whole hip-hop thing, so its not like hes soft or anything but he has adhd and wa stuttering and couldn't say what he wanted. Eventually he said "I think..we should break up."

It didn't sink in at first, and the first thing I could say was "why?". My boyfriend, or ex as he is now, is quite poor and he lives in a shared house, and only has one bedroom which he shares with his 16 year old brother. He had a difficult upbringing and relies on his dad for money. His reason for breaking up with me was that he needed to get his life back on track. He said that he loves me so much and wants me in his future, but the other day he ran out of food and his brother was hungry so he gave him everything in the cupboard, yet his brother was still starving, and it made him think that he can't do this any longer. He said that he needs to start training for football again, as he wants to make it as a professional, he needs to find a job, he needs to start running 20 miles a day and he wants to rent a house to near where I live so we can be together.

I understand his reasons but I don't understand why he cannot have a girlfriend at this time. The thought of him seeing anyone else makes me sick. We were both crying our eyes out and he was holding on to me and wouldn't let go.

I've bombarded him with calls and texts, which I know I shouldn't have as he says he needs space. I saw him two days ago to give back his clothes that I had (he told me to keep them I just wanted an excuse for seeing him), and he ended up kissing me, and even though I told him to stop as it wasn't fair he said he couldn't help it, and we kissed and one thing led to another and eventually we slept together. It felt like we hadn't even broken up. He dedicated the song "So Nice" by DK Ironik to me, and it started playing on his xbox as his playlist was on shuffle and we both started crying again.

He told me that he loves me and doesn't want any other girl. He said I'm beautiful and that I'm perfect for him and hes going to miss me so much but its just a temporary thing until he sorts out his life for him and his brother. He said he wanted to marry me and build our own house together with two dogs.

Since I have been home I havn't been to college. I just feel like dying. Every morning I wake up crying knowing that hes not mine any more. Last night I tried calling him like 20 times, he sent me a text saying "a bit busy atm, text me later x", but even though I have texted and texted he hasn't replied. He has free texts so thats not an excuse. He's been on facebook on his phone so I'm pretty sure that hes blanking me. I feel so hurt right now, I love him so much, and I just want to talk to him. I know I shouldn't have slept with him but at the time it felt so right. Please help me, what do I do?

I can't live without him.