I am divorced. My X is hosting a graduation dinner party for our daughters and I am not invited...?

It seems that you and your daughters are close so its obvious that it is not them. They are being given a party by someone else which means that they have chosen not to invite you. As much as that hurts, that is their choice.

Now, go on with your own celebration with your daughters and your side of the family and don't even mention this to them. They don't want it this way but what can they do? I'm sure they'd rather have all of you all together, as mature adults who can celebrate them and leave everything else behind. Since that is not the case, it is what it is.

You celebrate them with all that's in you and glory in their achievements and accomplishments. They'll love and appreciate you all the more.

All the best to you.

Graduation Dinner Party

Okay, let me see if I can explain this to you in my view. It may strike you as odd but give this some thought. Now all of what I say may not apply to you. You may not have been guilty of some of these things. But think on it and see if it makes sense when you are done.

So very many of you girls often seem to have the attitude that you get to do what you want while in marriage as well as when divorced. ( I.E. You want sex, he has a duty to do you. He wants sex, you get to decide for it is your body. You want a kid, it is fine to trick him. You dont want a kid, it is your body and you can kill the kid without a word to him if you want. ) You girls often seem to believe that you should be able to to decide yes or no for both you and the other person. You gals often seem to think a man should give you what you want when married and also do so when divorced even if by force, to include money. WHY?

What in the name of Heaven makes you think you have a bit of reason to be hurt by your EX husband not inviting you to a party he and his family will be giving? Dear Lord, it is no wonder so many of you women get cheated on or get divorced. You girls just seem to expect the world and then think you have a reason to be mad when told you cannot have everything your way right when you want it. You will expect the man to be gracious or well mannered or act nicely, yet so many of you women would do none of these in return. You girls expect the other person to rise above but will not do so yourselves. A man is expected to show love or care all the time but not the woman. Sorry, you all changed the rules some years ago, so now you can deal with what it brought about. You cant expect to get from others what you dont give.

I wont say you do not have a right to be hurt if you want. I will say I do not think you have a logical or plausible reason to be hurt by this because you are not family anymore. Big difference. You are merely the biological mother or egg donor as it were. Is that not basically the attitude so many gals have toward men today? You have a right to be mad because the traffic light turned red when you came to it. But that does not mean you have a good or sensible reason to be mad about it.

You getting a divorce wasn't about your daughters. So you shouldn't be hurt that your ex is throwing a graduation party for your daughters. You are divorced there is no more together. This is how divorced couples act. If it was a nice divorce then I could understand you being hurt but if your daughter is telling you things like we should do something on our own then listen. An please stop putting the blame on his family. Both of you had something to do with the divorce.

Your daughter is caught in the crossfire here.

Just let it slide. If you want to celebrate somehow, buy her a gift or take her out to dinner somewhere.

But this is what happens when two people get divorced...everything must be duplicated or you risk causing problems and arguments.

And it's a real pain in the @ss for the kids. So don't make the situation worse by adding pressure to her.

Just go do your own thing. That will suffice.

Good Luck!

You are DIVORCED, divorce stands for division. If his family thinks you are the wicked witch of the west, then why do you want to be there and be around those people? Create your own celebration with your friends/ family for her! Make it "your" celebration. Don't worry or think about what "they" are doing. I know this all from experience, I myself have been divorced for 12 years, children have graduated high school and College- we all plan our own celebrations- nobody has to feel "awkward" and everyone is relaxed and enjoying themselves. My live in boyfriends ex-wife always wants to combine there grown daughters (18 & 21) parties together... always drama. Not at the party, but the next day he hears an ear ful from his daughter, and honestly some of his family do not want to be around his ex or her extended family, so they don't attend. I say to keep peace and happiness- Do your own thing!

I am a dad of two adult daughters. I was cast aside constantly during the marriage, even though I cooked, cleaned, shopped, did their laundry and the lawn, took them to their friends, to classes, to lees sons. I divorced my ex when realizing she was luring guys into our home while the kids were in school and I was at work, and that was after 19 years of marriage.

The short of it is that you personally are better off as far away Fromm the ex husband as you possibly can get. The reality is sides have been chosen.

Whatever the daughters want, let it be about them, not you. I feel your pain, and have my own, now 21 years since I discovered my ex wife's cheating.

Life isn't fair. Life is what it is. We lose some, win some. I have won freedom from the insanity of a failed marriage and abusive spend thrift wife who had no grip on reality. I have removed many significant people fer om my life who have treated me like crap, epically family.

Keep whatever is healthily alive with your daughters. Dads don't like diapering and when your daughters someday have kids, maybe you will be there.

Also remember that kids take years to mature and many fail to ever do it. My oldest, now 33, still thinks just like my ex, and has had nothing to do with me in 4 years, totally unwarranted, except for lies told about me she believes.

We can only do for ourselves, or help pick up their pieces. Let them decide.

Oh hell I would show up at the restaurant and treat myself to a nice sit down dinner. If the ex and his family so much as looked my way I would whine very loudly in my most whiniest voice, "Stop looking at me. I have the right to eat wherever I want. And it's rude to stare at someone else whilst they are dining." And after I finished my nice delicious meal I would tell the waiter/waitress to give those people sitting over there my bill as they insist on paying for it

How is your relationship with him otherwise?

I mean, I know you said they see you as the wicked witch, but are you at least civil with each other?

I think perhaps they are trying to avoid any awkwardness, and since it is going to be HIS side if the family only, wouldn't seem to be a bit awkward?

Who do you expect to socialize with?

Wouldn't that make it awkward for your daughter to socialize with that side of the family and either have to leave you by yourself, or have you by her side the whole time?

It might make things difficult for her. Nobody wants that.

I do see your point, I would want to be there too, in some ways, but in terms of making things awkward, I probably wouldn't go even if I was invited.

Probably best you do you own thing together, in terms of overall family harmony.

That is my suggestion.

I understand how you feel but you're divorced so his time with the daughters is not yours to infringe up on. Perhaps it is not that your daughter doesn't want you there but fears drama.

Maybe he thought you would not want to go. It sounds like there is still bad blood between you and his family.

Taking into consideration your feelings, however if this is the big "official" graduation dealy-o then perhaps it would not kill him to be civil to you for a couple of hours... it know it's difficult either way but you two need to do what will make life the most pleasant for your daughters.