Will you tell me the funniest joke you know? will you tell me wat u think of this one?

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's up with the big brass gong?" one of his guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly a voice on the other side of the wall screamed ...

"You @$$hole! It's 03:15 in the bloody morning!"

x

Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. "Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny.

"Nope." replied Jimmy. "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?". Again Jimmy says "Nope." "You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.

Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of

lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."

x

A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While he was there,an attractive young lady in a robe came out of her apartment next to the mailboxes.

The guy smiled at the young woman, and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.

The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment. I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Nownude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

Astounded and a little hurt, she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day, and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin -- no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered..."Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... That was me!!!."

---

ya nice one.

once a man was 1st time in a flight. he was scared and alone. he got his seat and sat with fear. the flight started. he was very afraid. he called for the airhostess and asked to open the window 'cause he wants to vomit. the airhosstess gave him a disposable bag and asked to puke in it, since windows cant be opened. saying so the airhostess left. after a while she entered the cabin and found everyone puking except the scared one. she went to him and aske what happened?

he replied "when i was puking everyone was staring at me, I thought I am doing something wrong,,,,,, so I just drank up my puke"........

i like it,just like this one

a kid was inside and his parents were fighting calling each other ***** and bastard.he asked his dad what a ***** was and he told him it was another name for a lady.he asked his mom what a bastard was and she told him it was another name for a gentlemen and told him to go outside.the neighbors across the street were screaming PENIS!! and VAGINA!!. he asked his mom what they were and she said it was another name for hats and coats as she was carving the turkey. later his mom yelled ****! and he asked what that meant and she said it was a way to cut the turkey she told him to go see what his dad was doing. he went up stairs and his dad yelled ****! he asked his dad what that was and he told him it was a type of shaving cream,then told him to go great the guests. he answered the door and said "hello bitches and bastards let me take your penises and vagina's,my moms in the kitchen ******* the turkey and my dads up stairs rubing **** on his face.

i heard another one just like it except the girl called her self blueberry hill. i thought is was kinda funny the 1st time i heard but now its kinda lame.

Uhm..... sorry i didnt find that too funny; but thats just me

Oh yea Love ur screen name very nice:)

I LOVE your username! Good choice.

yeah its good, if you really like jokes (like me!!) you should visit

www.funny.com <-- Its god lots of jokes and funny pictures

JUST GET LAID ALREADY!!!!! that joke is getting you no where in life!!! SEX WILL!!!!

Dave, your gross.....