Marriage advice? What can I do. I'm lost.?

I'm in a bit of a quandry. I've been married for about 4 years but it seems like my wife and I are on separate pages. At the moment however I've felt like her controlling attitude has been overwhelming to say the least. Recently I had plans to go out with friends on either Saturday or Sunday, trying to keep things flexible seeing that my friend had things to do on Saturday morning. As it appeared, the best day to do go out would have been on Sunday since it would give my friend time to help his girlfriend move. That morning my wife asks me if I had any plans to go out, I asked for Sunday. For some reason she wanted me to change it to Saturday from 9am to 3pm, granted that it was approximately 8:30 in the morning. So trying to compromise I said I would go out on Saturday but not at that time. Keep in mind at this time she did not tell me she had plans to go out that she had expressed to me. We then proceeded to go out shopping at the local thrift store which is was her decision and then to Home Depot to get a mop wringer since she decided to mop the kitchen floor and left the dirty mop in the sink overnight. When we returned from shopping she asked what time I wanted to go out I told her that I'd be going out at around 4pm. In this process of me telling her this she expressed contempt in the fact that she had made plans to go out with her friend that night as well.

Background to the story was that she felt it necessary for me to be able to go out with my friends and I expressed to her that her controlling nature had actually stopped me from wanting to go out and do things because if I did I'd get grilled as to who I was going with, jealous texts as to hoping that I was having fun with the girl, etc. This from a person that has previously cheated on me, currently flirts with guys at work and on her cell phone and only response is "sorry you had to see that" and this is who I am and I can't change it attitude.

From the surface it appears that I am a great p*ssy. But you have to believe in something, in my case I believe in marriage as wimpy as it may sound. Her biggest complaint to me is that we always argue and that I don't do enough around the house, which she voices to me and her friends and mother. I can't seem to comprehend what the H*ll she expects from me other than complete control and obedience. There is no way that I can live in a happy relationship like this.

So once I tried to go out and do things like she suggested (considering that I've stepped up my chore completion rate lol) she still seems to want to control when I go out, going as far to call me a liar that I did not have any concrete plans to go out (how could I? She proved it to me by wanting me to change it to Sat and in her terms from 9am to 3pm) Its seriously agonizing to go through this relationship knowing that I cannot have normal relationships with females, since she used to bend things to seem like I was cheating on her with perfectly innocent friends and her going as far as contacting them and essentially killing my friendships.

My question would be? Considering I have to kids age 1 & 2. After a couple bouts with counseling which she did not follow the suggestions: What is left for me to do? How can I not go through my daily life not thinking about separating knowing that and agonizing over the fact that if we separate our kids will be apart. She seems cold all the time and does not show any outward showing of affection, we don't have sex on a regular basis due to what she considers as a "mental thing". Yes mental. She claims that men a physical and not emotional like females are. Well alot of females that I know are both. Previous and current infidelities on her part make me feel like a dupe. I've had alot of issues with her performing tasks i.e. her cleaning consists of throwing things in a closet and after wards asking me to help and going so far as to razzing me about having things in there. Uggghh. I don't know what to do. Can somebody please make sense of this?? Please.