Need info and advice - my friend had still birth at 31 weeks?? :-(?

I lost twin boys at 24 weeks it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and many people said "oh you can have more".. but I wanted them. YOU NEVER GET OVER IT! The memory of that baby will always be there in her mind, pain will lessen but it will b something that you never truly get over. Mine were still and yes i had to give birth to two dead babies, as if they were alive, went through labor and delivery, and left with no babies. Anything can happen, a friend I knew just got a shot of antibiotics, and three days before she was to be induced her baby just died. Sometimes things like that happen and there isnt really anything we can do about it. Be there for her and let her know you care about her and her precious baby. Don't be afraid to bring it up, I wanted to talk about my babies all the time, and knowing that people cared enough to talk about my babies to me meant they cared about them, then again everyone is different. Every one grieves in different ways. You know your friend better than I do, and do what you think she would want. Losing a child is very hard and if you dont have any one around you that has been through it it makes it feel like you are VERY ALONE. Be there for her and let her know that you care and let her know that you are there if she ever need anything. Offer lots of support. Plant a tree in her babys honor, it symbolizes the growth and life that was stolen from him. Hang up a wind chime in his honor, and let her know you did that for him. Get a memory book/box for him and help her decorate it and she can put his photos clothes ect into it, you could get some pregnancy loss memorial stones on line and help her make a garden and plant some flowers in his honor and use the stones in the garden. They have infant loss jewelry such as necklaces and bracelets, that would make a nice gift. Give a donation in the child’s name – This can be to a church, medical research or any worthy cause. Name a star after the baby, it is around $50 and would mean so much! Like i said every one is different, but these would have been nice gestures of my friends, that none of them did that I would have LOVED. Every one seemed to be on pins and needles around me and I hated that. Check out these great website and lets you know some of the dos and donts dealing with a friend who is grieving.

I would contact her again in a week or two, perhaps ask her if she would like you to visit. Maybe take a home made dinner for her and her husband.

There is not always a reason to explain why these things happen. Sometimes there are evident reasons, usually the baby wraps the cord around its neck or a haemorrhage occurs in the placenta. Performing an autopsy may give a reason why....but sometimes it just cant be explained. They will also take lots of blood tests to acertain if there was an infection, such as listeria.

In most cases women are encouraged to give birth naturally, there are 2 main reasons for this, the first is to start the grieving process (imagine you have been told that your baby died and next thing your being whisked away and put to sleep in an operation and then wake up to find that the baby has been taken from your body.....how awful) at least giving birth you can start the process of coming to terms with the loss. The second reason is that doctors are hestitant to do a caesarian section, because they are putting a scar on your uterus. This can have implications and complications for other pregnancies.(Hence why doctors strongly suggest getting pregnant 2 years after a caesarian).

Im really sorry for your friends loss. Wishing her all the best for the future!!

Im so sorry for your friends loss - i cannot imagine how it must feel. I think she would probably want some time alone with her husband to grieve but i also think its important to let her know that you are thinking of her and you are there if she needs you....its hard because you maybe feel like it is inappropriate to text her but you dont want to call just yet?

A still birth means yes she will have gone through labour. A friend of mine had a still birth at 39 weeks. She and her partner had time alone with the baby afterward- the baby was wrapped in a blanket and they were left to have cuddles for a while.

I think leaving things a couple of weeks is a good idea...just be there for her when she is ready. There isn't much you can say and i felt weird at first like i would say the wrong thing but i just did what felt right at the time.

xxx

I am so sorry to hear about her loss. It would be devastating. There are many things that could have happened with the baby. The placenta could have became damaged or tore, the umbilical cord could have became tied in a knot or around baby's neck.. theres just a lot that can go wrong and it's devastating =( If I were you, I would send her husband a txt message and ask his opinion on when you should visit. It really just depends on the person as to how soon they will want visitors. She will have to give birth to the baby, and they probably have already had her do it. "Still born" is usually proclaimed after the baby is born.

That is horrible, Im so sorry for your friends loss. I would wait a day or two and then maybe send a message or call and just let her know that whenever she is ready to talk or if she needs anything to get ahold of you. No one really knows why this happens but it is just terrible :( Most likely she did give birth to the baby but Im not 100% on that. All you can do is let her know your here for her, Im guessing she will want to be with her husband alone for a few days atleast, They may have a funeral for this baby as that is recommended by alot of people for those who have stillbirths so that will be a time when you can see her and let her know how sorry you are and your here if she needs you. So sorry again.

The best thing to do is give her a call or text and let her know you love her and are here for her for what ever she needs and than give her two weeks or as long as she says she needs. Some times the baby can have invisible symptoms of problems and die later on. It is a horrific experience. Unfortunately, she would have had to deliver the baby as if the baby was still alive. The baby at that point is developed enough that a D&C would not work. Don't ask her about it, talk about it, or anything else. If she wants to talk about it, let her bring it up.

God bless.

How awful! I can't even imagine :( There are a couple different reasons why they can just die in the womb, could be the cord wrapped around the neck, some sort of abnormality... I would probably wait a couple weeks before you go see her.

Yes, she would still have to give birth to the dead baby, sooo awful!! I think they give you an option of going through natural labor or doing a c-section. I'm sooo sorry for your friend and her family!

Give her some time to grieve don,t call just text and don't text so many sorry s there it makes it worse i know what am saying i had a late miscarriage at 18weeks and every time someone told me they were sorry i would break down so just save it.Yes she will have to give birth to the dead baby she cant keep it inside her as it will infect her and make it worse.She will get over it believe me right now she feels like she cant.I found strength in my family and God and my husband as well.I have a son but this was my second.That helped a lot too.Whatever is meant to be is meant to be and she will have a baby.And please don't say those sorry s they are terrible my father- in law did and i never gone to visit him i knew he meant well just didn't like it.

in another 3 or 4 days i would send another card, saying im here for you and when you are ready to have company give me a call i am here for you. many things could have happened, cord entrapment cord around the neck, sometimes there are just gentic problems with baby and they will not survive outside the womb. yes she still did have to go through labor and deliver the baby. Here is a number you can call for more answers and support SHARE preg and infant loss incorp www.nationalshareoffice.com or 1800 821 6819

That's so sad I hope she is ok it will prob be never the same again but time is a great healer. I gess that is mother nature for you x