My best friend has a horrible boyfriend...?

Question

A little background...my best friend and I literally grew up together, we've been best friends since we were 1 year old.  We've been friends for so long that I consider her my sister and her 3 year old son, my nephew.

Now with that said, she met a guy at work and they started dating and were seeing each other for about a year, sort of.  He works 3 jobs, the job he works at with her, a tennis coach and another job that I'm not sure what exactly that it is.  Along with the 3 jobs he also gives tennis lessons, so he's a pretty busy guy.  This was fine at first for her, but after a year it started getting really tough.  He would go days to weeks without so much as a phone call or a text message and would only come over to her house at night when her child was asleep.  There were several times that she called me crying  wanting my advice on their situation or because they broke up, only to get back together the next day.  He's pretty much an awkward guy, very weird and no one in her family likes him (i.e. mother, father, 2 sisters, and brother), and as her best friend, I can't stand him.  A few months ago, they went about a week and a half without speaking, not without my friends efforts.  She texted him, called him and he never responded but maybe once telling her that he was sick, but that was it.  Finally she had had enough and sent him a text message saying something along the lines of, "look, I can't take this anymore.  I haven't heard from you in weeks, this is over if you don't respond."  He never responded so she deleted his contact information and moved on with her life.  A few weeks ago he texts her and now they're talking again and she's already invited him out with us, knowing that I can't STAND him.  She is bringing him around her son again, and I'm really worried about this.  He's terrible for her and I'm not shy about making that known to her.
My concerns are not just for her but also for her son (whose father is not in his life).  I just don't think he's the best role model for him because he's not reliable and has hurt his mother so much.
As her best friend should I keep pushing the subject that he's not good for her or just suck it up and bare his presence for her sake?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Situations like these can be extremely frustrating.  Your friend seems as though she loves this guy, she just doesn't like his behavior, and she can't seem to separate the two.  In the end it will be her decision on whether this guy is in her life or not.  As a friend, I would just make it clear to you how this situation makes you feel.  At the same time, I would encourage you to be there to support her no matter whether this guy is in or out of her life.  And by supporting her, you don't need to support her relationship with him.  I would be worried if you cut her out of your life, because if this guy is as flakey as he seems, then you might be the only good thing in her life sometimes.  Be a good friend and be honest as well.  Stay involved in her life, because you might be all she has if or when things go bad again.  

If you or your friend are ever feeling really stressed, know you can call our hotline or visit our website, www.yourlifeyourvoice.org.

Counselor, NZ
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

? · Answer

Hi,As her friend she knows that you are there if she needs someone to talk to.I think the best thing to do is,just be there as her friend as you always have been ,and wait until she asks you for advice or help.If you try to speak to her about this she may take it as you trying to interfer and blame you for the way she feels.I know this is hard for you to stand by and watch the way he is treating her but,if she isnt ready to deal with what is happening to her then it wont matter what you say she is going to take it the wrong way!Just be ready for when she does need you.Good luck!

? · Answer

By this stage im pretty sure she knows you dislike him so there isn't much you can do. Its all part of the responsibility of being her friend. You know he is wrong for her but until she realises this you will have to just suck it up. Be there for her when he upsets her, point out that this isn't how relationships are suppose to be. I was going to mention not going with her when she is hanging out with him but that might drift you apart. Hope she realises there are plenty of prince charmings out there soon. Peace.

Karen · Answer

It sounds as if she has chosen to have him in her life.  That choice does not require your approval.  It's possible that you don't know everything.  If you had three jobs, you would be busy all the time too.  It sounds more like you're trying to control her and if he makes her happy when he's around you'd better be careful not to put her in a position to have to choose between the two of you.  You may not like the choice she makes.

Clam · Answer

Stick to the job you know. Be her friend not her therapist. Support her decisions and don't criticize her relationships. Basically be her friend.

kelgal07 · Answer

well this can be frustrating. clearly, no one likes the guy. so i would say its time ur friend forgot about the guy and moved on. talk to her about it.

Trending News

My best friend has a horrible boyfriend...?

6 Answers