My wife's phone is locked and she flirts with guys at work and old friends.?

Question

This all started way back when I was deployed to Nevada for about two months.  I bought a web cam so that me and my wife could stay in touch after work.  When I got back however I noticed that she was acting differently.  She alluded to open marriage, she was always taking her phone with her and I eventually found out she was calling this guy and talking for long periods of time mostly during the night and the occassional call before work.  I finally found emails between them saying that he enjoyed "last weekend" etc.  I confronted her and then she denied anything was going on.  On the plus side she eventually cut ties with him in the long run and from what I hear he got his in the end.

Now we've constantly fight about regular married life things.  At this point she thinks its too much and wants out.  I know that we haven't been perfect for each other and we have our differences.  I've been more laid back and get over things easier than she does and she holds on to things.

My current problem is that she flirts with guys at work, her old job and who knows who else.  Of course I realize people sometimes harmlessly do this to make themselves feel alive, wanted, attractive.  But it doesnt stop at work.  At this point her phone is locked, she texts alot, facebooks even more.  I've seen the late night messages from a guy who said "all tucked in", morning texts of "hey beautiful", texts from workers saying they "missed her smile on the way out"  I've talked with her about it and let her know how it makes me feel.  Ive actually come to realize her lack of self esteem and having the void that she lacks in our marriage filled with other men.  I believe its wrong, since she's previously had problems with this and it would suck to have to relive the past one text at a time.  I've expressed that her locking her phone just smacked of her hiding something, which she did not deny.  Her response was that if I didn't look I wouldnt see anything.  Haha yeah.  ok.  I guess that her being this way with people at work would be more of an out of sight out of mind thing for me, but when she has her phone on silent, locked and texting, facebooking people constantly at home, with our kids present just is disrespectful not to mention hurtful and just taking away from the "US" time we should be spending mending our relationship.

She is adamant about spending time with her friend, who seems to invite her to dinner, parties, concerts and get togethers.  One text even asked her friend if her husband's friend was also coming along.  Which I could easily take out of context but why worry.

I realize that our marriage is rocky, and she vents to her friends and very likely her male coworkers.  Its obvious that she has conversations with them that make it ok to text her later at night, in the morning with the "all tucked in" "hey beautiful" comments, which I would consider odd for a married person to receive.  I would definitely not feel comfortable even if I did flirt with women at work, for them to text me when they go to bed and tell me good morning handsome.  Its not right.  Doesn't feel right for me.

Of course I believe we need our little private moments, but the old wounds just open up when I see stupid texts, her secretive phone, and her wanting to spend more time away from me.

Any advice?

missy11 · Accepted Answer

It's not ok to keep secrets in a marriage that involve texting people of the opposite sex. I don't see a problem with have male friends at work and stuff like that, but this is totally going too far. I have read another one of your questions and, I believe the only thing that is going to get her attention is to separate.  Then both of you will be able to take a step back and get a better perspective on the situation.  If it was meant to be...she will come running back, maybe not initially, but eventually when she realises that she could be losing the best thing in her life.  If it wasn't meant to be, she won't. And you won't have wasted much more time with someone that only cares about her self. But separating will show her your serious.

wolverine4ever · Answer

first that's too bad for the kids... then i would say that if she's doing these things and although you don't want to fight about it, you are pretty much letting her get away with it, you need to either consult a divorce lawyer and see what your options are as far as the kids because it sounds like you're more concerned for their mental welfare than she is. and then possibly start looking for another place to live or tell her to go live with her male interest. i know that's what you're trying to avoid but let's keep it real. we don't live in a perfect world and it doesn't sound like you're in kansas anymore toto. when the kids aren't around the two of you need to decide what's what and then do whatever comes out of your talk.  good luck

? · Answer

leave her she obviously doesn't respect you if she is talking to all these guys.  I know its probably hard because you love her and have years invested but it seems like that all don't matter to her because she is continuing this behavior even after you expressed how this makes you feel.

Good luck!

worried · Answer

If you have expressed your feelings to her and she still continues to disregard them I would seriously re-think whether this relationship is worth fighting for.  Once the trust is gone from a relationship it is extremely hard to get it back.  Also, I personally would rather be alone and happy than married and miserable.

? · Answer

i hope u feel better now after that long speech. anyway sounds like u do got problems. i would go see a counseler with or with out her. your right if u got a anger problem she is the reason why your angry. u feel helpless in this situation u dont know what to do your scared and when we get scared we get defensive to a point of being paranoid. could u afford to get her out for the weekend or somewhere where u can talk. and tell her your scared and frightend and dont know what to do. tell her when theres secrets it means your hiding things and its wrong for her to do this to u. how would u like it if it was me acting like this u wouldnt like it either. tell her to b 100 percent honest with u and dont hide things from me, i want to know whats going on. she sounds to b imature to me to bad for u. show her these posts and tell her if this is what i got to do to get help so b it.

Huh · Answer

Run!

Cheater alert

Call the lawyer and get moving. She is already looking for another man which is sad.

Anonymous · Answer

He was "opening the gate" again to see if you guys were interested in swinging! He figured if he told you that it was okay to flirt with her, that was a hint that they still want to get their freak on with you two!

? · Answer

1

? · Answer

She doesn't sound faithful to me. Were there is smoke there is fire. If you really want to work it out try counselling.

? · Answer

Open your eyes!!! She does not want to be with you any longer. She is having an affair or plans too. get out fast.

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My wife's phone is locked and she flirts with guys at work and old friends.?

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