When women look at men is it different from when a man looks at women?

This reminds me of the Corona Beer commercials that are running all the time now during the NBA playoffs and other big events. These are the ones with the couple sitting on the beach (same couple in both commercials). In the first, a hot blonde walks by and the guy briefly turns his head to check her out before turning back. His wife/girlfriend notices and takes the lime from her beer and squirts him with it.

In the second commercial which did not run until the other had been running for a year or so, the same couple is on the beach and a hot guy walks past and smiles at the woman. She turns her head and follows him as he walks, adjusts the angle of her view several times, and generally takes her time ogling this guy. At the end you can see her in profile and she arches her eyebrows and smiles at what she sees. The husband/boyfriends sees all of this, gets upset, and shakes up her beer when she is not looking. She turns back and somehow knows what he has done and so takes his unshaken beer and leaves him with the shaken up one.

Just deal with it, women run the show when it comes to this stuff these days, and even usually sexist beer advertisers know this.

Appreciating a man visually = speculating on his package?

No, they're not equivalent. That's ridiculous.

I've heard the whole m vs f thing on this point--the old diet Coke commercials of female office workers running to the window & sighing over brawny construction workers were clever & inoffensive because they were flipping a stereotype etc etc, and honestly I am JUST TIRED of it all.

There's only one issue here: you're her husband and she's doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable and disrespected. This isn't a gender war thing and it shouldn't come down to arguing back and forth over what you do and what she does and if they're equivalent. She's okay with you looking at porn, that's great. She doesn't want you eyeballing women in public, that's reasonable. You don't want her leching after other guys, that's normal too.

She should respect your pov on this. Would it be okay if she had these girly conversations with her friends but kept them TOTALLY PRIVATE and off your radar? That seems like a reasonable compromise to me.

Respect, people. Respect for the one you chose.

Yes, I think that men do look at women differently than women look at men. Men have been proven to be more visually stimulated than women ... Most women would rather see a well dressed guy than a naked guy in a provocative pose, for men, it's more often the other way around. It's the same reason that the readership of playgirl mag is 85% men.. they just are more visual than women. Women are more into ideas, narrative and context for stimulation.. . . (they read books like harlequin romance, watch movies w/ a storyline. . .)

Your situation with your wife sounds like a normal dynamic in a couple. You are both sexual beings, and you are capable of assessing others sexually, call it admiring or whatever...

I think that you should just realize that you can't have constant surveillance over each others' eyes/thoughts, so you both just have to get used to it.

Checking out another person does not mean you are going to sleep with them, regardless of gender. I think that this jealousy in both you is normal in relationships, just cause you love each other. . .

I really do think that there is a world of difference between the way a woman looks at a man and the way a man looks at a woman. Guys always say that they undress girls with their eyes, imagine having sex with them, etc. whereas I do not do that when I look at a guy...I can think that looking at a nice looking guy feels nice (kind of in the same way that looking at a piece of art I really like feels nice), but I'm not even usually thinking about the fact that he has a penis beneath his clothes let alone imagining doing sexual things with him.

Men and women look at the opposite sex but women are better at just glancing or not getting caught by their spouse. Men tend to be disrespectful by openly oggling another woman and that makes the spouse feel insecure. Women can be very insecure and when their men are looking at a younger women with a better body it makes them feel less attractive. I don't think when men or women look they are looking for sex, they are just looking. As long as it stays looking with nothing more happening then it's okay.

You knowing that she looks at other men in general

is hardly the same as you doing an about face to assess another woman when you're with her,

am I right?

People are people. We all look at each other in one way or another. There is no need to argue the point unless it is more than just a look.

your wife is a hypocrite. i hate to say it, but it is true! men and women look at other men and women for the same reason; they see something that attracts them. it does not mean that they are looking to sleep with that person, but simply that this person caught their attention for whatever reason. her argument is simply hypocritical and i would be quite fed up with it myself.

She's doesn't' like it because she is pretty sure that if one of those girls you were looking at offered you some you'd take it, whereas she would probably get offended if one of the guys she was looking at offered her some.

im not sure. i think its all the same.