Dealing with a friends death.....?

well, i suppose i just try to get on with it

im realyl sorry your friend had such a horrible time in her life, and you had such a horrible time watching her go through it, but, she had you, and for that, she was lucky,as were you, as that is what really matters

it doesnt make her life, or her death, any better or easier to understand, but it is one good thing to see when it feels like there are none

very few of us realy get the life we wanted to have, we generally get what we have and thats it, and we make the best of it as much as we can

you are entiteld to be angry julia, its just a natural part of grief, being angry at death, and life, at loss, and pain, it makes us angry, it is angering, so just feel it, go through it, and try to make it

the only way you can deal with it is learn to accept the reality of the situation...that she's gone, and that's all there is to it. it's tragic, and i'm very sorry that you have to endure such an intense hardship, but everything dies, dude. whether you get that into your head now or months down the line, the truth of the matter remains. it might sound a bit cold to say all this, but that's the way it is...we don't even know what happens before we're born or what happens after we die, but i'm not sure that it really matters. this life gives us consciousness and identity and it's a wonderful experience, but when all the good times and years have passed and we sputter out, what did it all mean? maybe other trillions of cells will converge to create another mind and body that she can enjoy on some other planet in some other galaxy. who knows. the only thing you can think to console yourself is that she had a family that loved her when she was alive here, she had friends who cared about her, and even though she had a short life, at least she got to enjoy the small slice of existence she was bestowed. i think the absence of life is something that human beings will never truly wrap their minds around. but i also think that we give way too much importance to this life that we have because it's the only one we've ever known. it's true that we should make the most of it while we're here, but who's to say there ISN'T something better afterwards? is it infinite nothing after? do we manifest anew as another living thing? we don't have the answers to those questions. but like i said, just be glad that you got to meet her and feel glad that at least you were good to her and made her life better by being there for her and making her smile.

my condolences. hope you feel better soon.

You need closure. Apparently Alex's death took you by surprise and the shock of losing her has never worn off. It's always hard to accept someone's death, and it's even harder when they are close to you. Give it time - you will get over it. Don't ever forget Alex - keep her in your heart, just let her out of your head. You do have a life to live and she wouldn't want you feeling this way. She would want you to carry her memories and smile when you think of her.

I too lost a friend recently. I don't think you deal with it so much as you assimilate it into your being, your friend is gone and you cannot have the time back to do over. And you know that if you try to deal with it you will make your self feel worse, because you start asking those age old questions - why, what if and others along those lines.

My friend did not even know she was sick until a growth appeared on her scalp, mere months before she died. She never had a chance to fight.

As for being at peace, if you are ever to be at peace with your friends death, you have to believe that, she is at peace. What ever happened to her, you need to realize, that while we are still here hurting, she is at peace. No longer will she have to fight the uphill battle of life, that in its self is extremely painful on a daily basis. She escaped and left you here to hurt and battle life all by yourself.

What you need to understand is that she is no longer fighting, which means that she is at peace. We are not at peace because we are still fighting.

You are right on your additional details - she did not have a chance to live her life to the fullest, but don't make it less by being angry. I am sure she lived her life to the fullest extent that she was able to until... Don't belittle your friends life by being angry, her memory deserves your happiness, your love. She will always live on in your memories. Her body may be gone, but her spirit lives on inside of you.

I am sorry for your loss.

Deal? No deal. This is you, this is you on death. Angry? So am I. You may reject the notion heaven, but how can you reject the fact of peace. Do you believe she is as sad and lonely as you are now? I don't. I don't know what her experience is now, but I am reasonably certain of what it is not. Perhaps your view of her life is one sided now, I don't know. What was her philosophy on her condition. I am angry to have lost the opportunity for the life I wanted, but here I am. Now what. Keep going. I'm going to the gym to pump iron. Want to come along, then we can go for a 'date'.

my friend committed suicide and that was a lot harder for me to deal with than other types of death. but the day she died I felt a pang in my chest...I felt horrible that day, and then someone phoned and said guess what...the lovely woman killed herself. I was devastated. I paid tribute to her in my mind, remembering the happy times. I like to believe I will see her again in the next life, she was that kind of person, who inspired other people spiritually. I simply can't believe that is the end of her, i think there is a next life. just me being optimistic.

Climb on a mountain, and observe how ant-like creatures we are, and then look at the ants on the ground, notice how little we matter in this Universe. Then develop a sense of humor around it and enjoy the absurdity of life.

Life has no end and no beginning, therefore, you cannot change the fact of what happened to this person's life, but you can change the fact of your remaining life.

You don't.

You get used to it, that's all. It's like wearing glasses -- you just become accustomed to it over time.

One piece of advice: don't seek "closure". There's no bigger waste of time in this world.

Who are you angry at?

If you don't accept the concept of God and heaven and call it hogwash, then I'm afraid there's no consolation for you.

Find your own illusions, whatever gives you peace.