care to read my poem, comments or critique welcome, thanks?

Cassie, you have written most descriptively and precisely and we can only guess at the full story of the couple of your poem; the fullness of our ability to see everything else with such clarity makes this all the more apparent. Did I see places where I think you missed opportunities to improve it ever so slightly? Yes. Is that your choice? Emphatically yes! If I were to take your poem and make these modifications, it would read like this:

In The Heat

A blazing sun beats on the lake,

Its heat haze hovering in the air,

Whilst cloudless climes of blanket blue

Look down on ramblers gathered there.

The earth is baked; the grass is bleached;

The meadows have a brindled look.

There's little shelter, most is scorched

Bar spaces by a shaded brook.

Armed with a flask to quench their thirst,

Two silent sit where branches arch

Protectively above their heads

And sigh, whilst time leaves off its march.

A drawbridge reaches 'cross the flow

To touch the sleepy hedgerow banks,

And clumps of rose-bay willow herb

In cowslip nod their heads in ranks.

A silence settles with the heat.

Egyptian geese descend close by

And like the ramblers loll and rest

Before they spread their wings to fly.

These changes do indeed paint a marginally different picture, but one that addresses some of the issues others have mentioned as well as others I have seen. That being said, it has as always been a pleasure to read your poetry, and should you ever elect to change your adopted conventions of poetic structure and like the Egyptian geese of your poem 'spread [your] wings to fly,' I can only imagine your glory in flight will be the more remarkable. Good day.

Either you rhyme or you don't, there is no in-between

You need to change the structure slightly for it to glean

The theme is quite inspiring, though, and the imagery is concise

Some words like "brindled", "hedgerow", "cowslip", makes it less precise

Poetry 4/10

Theme 8/10

Edit -

I didn't want to go into details as I've been warned for being too critical. I thought I'd be like everybody else, just so boringly typical. Perhaps I should remove my rating as this is a cause for most of the hating. But, if you insist, the following is my assessment, the actual.

1st verse -

"heat haze hovers" is a tongue twister

L2 & L4 are rhymed

2nd verse -

L1 & 3, L2 & 4 have matching rhyme.

bleached.

look.

scorched

brook.

3rd Verse -

L2 & 4 don't rhyme

arch & parched

4th Verse

rose-bay willow herb: The Willow-herbs (Epilobium), nine species of which are natives of Great Britain

"in cowslip" ??

Cowslip may refer to: Plants. Primula veris, a flowering plant commonly known as cowslip and primrose; Cowslip ( Primula veris ) is native throughout most of temperate Europe and Asia. In northern Belgium

5th verse -

To be pedantic L1 & 3, L2 & 4 rhymed using "last letter" rhyming scheme.

Edit (2) -

Okay, the herbs was only mentioned because it didn't seem possible.

Prof Challenge has tiptoed through the tulips to give you harsh criticism.

Edit (3) - I must admit, though I did not see it at first, you have a style not familiar to me. The placing of the word "and" in Line 3 of each verse, is often seen as superfluous and unwanted as it ruins the course of poetical flow.

New rating (hehehe)

Poetry 8/10

Theme 8/10

Some nice images that hang together well, yet I find it difficult to find a way in to what the poem is saying, and the title doesn't help me. Part of the problem is that the images are undeveloped, by which I mean each is only allocated a single line in the poem. Perhaps it would be better to take two or three of the images you like best and find ways to extend them. The fox for example. Why is it chasing the rabbit? Can you infuse the poem with some of the feeling of the chase? Does the rabbit escape? What interesting adjectives could you find to describe the fox and rabbit? What about the sound of the chase. Does it start in one mad rush, or is the rabbit stalked? What kinds of words would fit best? Also, ask yourself about the title. Imagine it as the cover of a book, and your audience browsing books in a bookshop. Does it grab the attention enough they will open your book in preference to all the others on the shelf? Does it tell them what to expect, or does it merely confuse them?

This is all too reminiscent of drought, dry-out, a common malady out here in the western prairie. In Anglo-Saxon verse, alliteration constitutes rhyme, however, to avoid tongue twisting, you could claim poetic license and change the noun "mirages" into a verb in place of "haze hovers". You can do whatever you want with poetic license. That's the main attraction of poetry, freedom of expression, though some may seem freer than other.

Me too Cassie, I feel this is Part 4 or 5 of your epic. Perhaps they are not really just "a couple" but actually a runaway couple from a recent feud. I'm thirsting for Part 4! Great imagery and the poem itself in terms of technicality is superb.

I will let the others critique, If Ian would be so helpful with the other poets as he is with you, I think I might ken to him.

a nice poem, I saw the cowslips nodding but I suppose it was the rose bay willows.

and hogwash on you cannot slip in and out or rhyme. That is a silly notion!

I see nothing wrong with it after all everyone should have the right to a personalized style of poetry. I'm only a freshman but honestly I've been told have quiet the talent in poetry with my own style. so if i, a freshman, can do it so can you. Who cares what society judges as correct poetry? Poetry is supposed to be your thoughts and feelings, if that is so then it should be put how you like it best not how others like it best. You see something that someone suggests that sounds better? try it on for size it might help your writing become better but it isn't really your own thoughts and feelings after you change it for what someone else said. If you want it at its truest, (meaning to be the best it can be), change it with your own thoughts of what need changing.

Like an artist's brush, your words paint a clear picture of the scene. With only a slight change of flora and fauna, your poem could be describing a wide variety of different places around the world.

Very good. Love the word brindled.

I am not very good at drawing images in my mind (I have low eidetic imagery) so for me the poem has to carry me with the word use, sounds and style, and this is one of the best descriptive poems I have read for a person like me who can't draw up the scene in my mind.

I almost feel a part of the experience, because you were able to carry me along.

Thanks.

I'm diggin' the images in this!

S3 L2 *sits?...omg lmao I went to type that at first and accidentally put an "h" in after the s. Yikes, good thing I caught that.