What's your best joke?

A cheeseburger walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender, and the bartender says : "Sorry we don't serve food" (this joke is so 1970 but it's gold)

I read these ones a couple of seconds ago! They are quite similar, really funny and are not rude (kinda) enjoy!

There was this women called Ali. She once met a man called Tristin. They fell in love and married. When Ali married Tris, she decided to give up her favourite food of all time, baked beans, just to show how much she loved Tris.

A couple of months later, Ali was driving home from work. Her husband was waiting at home for her. Ali's car broke down, and since she and Tris lived in the country it was a very long way to walk back home, so she called her husband and said that she would be home a bit later. On the walk home, Ali passed a restaurant. The gorgeous smell of baked beans passed through her. She thought it would be alright to stop by and order some baked beans and hoping Tris would understand, she ordered FOUR huge tus of baked beans!

When she had finished, she continued to walk home. Ali finally reached home a half hour late. HEr husband greeted her at the door, putting a blind fold on her and explaining how he had a special dinner prepared for her. Ali walked to the dining room, guided by her Tristin. He put her on the seat.

Then the phone rang, so Tris went to answer it, telling her not to peak at all. When Ali was aware that Tris had left the room, she decided to let gas go free. She went on for a few minutes, grabbing the napkin every now and again and waving it about to evacuate the smell which was worse than cooked cabbage!

Tris returned to the room after a while and asked her had she peaked. Ali reassured him she hadn't. Tris allowed her to remove the blind fold. And poor Ali's cheeks went bright red, for there was TEN more guests seated around the table! lol

This is the second one:

There was a woman who had just returned from work. It was her birthday and no-one had wished her happy birthday. She thought it would be relaxing to have a bath in her on-suite bathroom. So before going threw the bedroom to reach her on-suite, she took off all her clothes including her underwear. She opened her bedroom door and the room was pitch-black, so she turned on the lights. Dear help the woman - there was a whole party in there chorusing HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Hope you enjoyed and sorry it was a bit long.

Oh come on we all need to say it: LOL!!!

xx

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.' The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

what do you call a cow spying on another cow?

a steak out!

which vampire won the race???

neither they were neck to neck lol