My husband told me that marrying me ruined his life. How do I forgive him?

I don't know you, but from your question, you sound like a person who doesn't care for other's feelings. husband feels you are ignoring him and he has reasons to feel that way. You certainly have ignored him during the wedding. If you included him in everything, he wouldn't feel left out. Certainly, he keeps his feelings inside, and you don't even try to notice that.

Since you say you love him and you know he is not going to divorce you, then try to make up for the lost time. Discuss everything with him, ask for his opinion and feelings and for God's sake, don't joke around.

Oh my! It's sad to see another victim of reality. What you are experiencing now is the "worse" part of the "for better or worse" wedding vows. I am so sorry for you. There really is no way of comforting you when you get the shock of your life but believe it or not, it has sadly gone from a rare incident to a probable one in marriages today. With the easy access to literally millions of people through social networks, telecommunications, easy travel and the lowering standards of morality the likelihood of an affair is much more probable than doubtful in marriages today. It's too bad that the innocent(children) have to suffer because of selfishness, weakness or just pure stupidity. But there will come a time in the great majority of marriages when they will be tested by infidelity. That is the sad reality you must accept. Statistics prove it. In the USA 48% of first marriages end in divorce within 20 years. 90% of 2nd or 3rd marriages end in divorce. And the most appalling stat of all is over 80% of all marriages will experience infidelity. That does not ease the pain at all but you are not alone. Ultimately it is up to the 2 of you to decide just how strong and stable your marriage is. How will you stay in control of your family? Remember; anger is the easy way out; vengeance is the cowards way; forgiveness is the powers play. Forgiveness gives you complete control of your life, your partnership and your families future. If he still doesn't change then he never will but the control you gained through forgiveness will give you the strength and power to start over without your children being victimized.

You ignored him on your wedding day and that was a day that it was all about the two of you starting a life together. You left him to go take a nap and he had to spend his wedding day with the guys in your family. Major negative. If my wife did that to me I would be ticked off. Who wants to spend their wedding day with the brides guy family members. Not me. Your marriage has started off on the wrong foot and your partially to blame for that so I can sympathize with how he feels especially since you've been married before so he may be wonder if these could be some of the reasons your previous didn't work.

Marriage isn't just a commitment and its not all about money either. He has to man up to the fact that you're trying.

The two of you need to change your behavior towards one another, and start looking at it this way. You either have each other, or you're both going to be putting on a resentful acting job. One or the other.

It seems to me that he does have feelings for you, and instead of expressing them COMPLETELY, and not just in accusatory or negative words, he bottles up the positives and only unleashes the negatives.

Likewise, you don't complete sentences, or maybe you hold back something or another that could change things. Neither of you is a mind reader and if your'e going to have a loving, lasting relationship then you have to express your feelings to each other without holding back -- and this is very important -- not judge or take these expressions so deep down to heart that you can't ever expect them to change.

You can change your behavior. Deep down inside are both of you truly in love with each other, or are you just doing this for perfunctory purposes and to have a legitimated child together? Whatever reasons you've both found each other together, maybe you ought to start warming up. Both of you.

It sounds like what happened was there was a comedy of errors, his expectations were busted down to dust, your expectations soured because of mishaps, and there was a lot of missed communications here.

Yes counseling can't hurt but if its not helping its because both of you are hearing what you want to hear, or disregarding what you don't want to hear, or disregarding the rest that might actually be helpful.

Till the two of you can get on the same wavelength he's going to feel trapped even though he isn't, and you're going to fear he'll bolt even if you he won't.

first off, your husband sounds like my husband meaning he gets embarrassed for EVERYTHING and worries about what people think. my husband tells me all the time that i am all about me and if it's not my then it's the highway. i deny it all the time but deep down i know he is telling the truth. i know what i like and how i like them done. i feel that i know best and that i am helping my husband by making decisions for him. i have now realized that i am hurting my marriage by doing so. i will always be a strong minded woman and always speak my opinion but i had to let go of the reins off of him a little bit. a man has pride bigger than you could imagine. try talking to him and truly listening to his side of the story and see how you could change and not just him. try writing things down on paper so all thoughts can be clear then take turns reading them to each other so neither one will get interrupted. marriage is hard and it takes honesty, communicating, trust, love compromise and so much more to make it work. good luck!!

Wait. You admit you screwed things up (you did). You were both exhausted. He makes one comment when he is truly upset, and you hold him to it, no matter what? He can forgive you for your screw ups, but not you? You both need to grow up and stop letting this grudge contest go on any longer. One would hope your child was the most important player here-not you two. Good for him for staying with you-now you make an effort,too. To both of you: if you don't bend, you will break.

If you love him and want to be with him, stop trying to push him away. Try making him as happy as you can. Really listen to him and his desires, make compromises, show him that you care. Don't sacrifice your own happiness either though. Try to find what is best for your family.

If you don't love him and won't be happy with him ever, then you always have the option to initiate a divorce. You don't have to both be unhappy together.

Why are you so sure he'll never leave you because he said so? Many men have told their wives the same and still left. You need to grow up and nurture this relationship. Work with him and support him.

I think you have bigger problems than you forgiving him for what he said. Think about why he said that and do your part as a wife. It seems he is doing his part as a husband. Instead of being upset at his statement, you should be doing everything you can so he changes his view.

My question will be for you, do you still love him? if you dont want to be with him, then you have the answer...I know its really to leave someone that you love...but if you are being miserable, whats the point to be together... but I hope everything gets better...try to talk to him, and ask him what he really wants...