Foster/foster-adopt parents, and formerly fostered people, what is your view on respite care?

If the foster family becomes suddenly ill, or there is a family emergency, I think respite can be helpful, with a few caveats that I will explain in a moment.

If the foster family is going on a holiday? Well, this one pi$$es me off. That child is part of your family, they should be going with you. Most kids in care have a rec/vacation fund to help with the expense, and if you are not willing to see a child in your care as a part of your family, kindly don't foster.

I do respite quite a lot, for a couple of families, and I have a few comments about it:

I once had a foster mother with 2 babies who wanted me to take them for 2 1/2 weeks, in addition to my 2, and my regular respite that I was doing Wednesday nights at the time. That would make five--yes, FIVE--babies in my house under the age of 2. That's crazy. When I told her that it simply wasn't feasible, she told me she does it all the time.

I don't see how a person could do this reasonably without it bordering on, or being full on neglect.

Second, I do regular respite for a little guy, usually once/week while his foster parents have a "date night", or for a day on a weekend while they attend a class. Last November, when Baby F was a mere 7.5 months old, they left him with us for 8 days. We were happy to have him. He's wonderful, and we had no kids in our house at the time, so he definitely got undivided attention! But, now that I have an 8 month old, I can't understand how she did it. I mean, I questioned it at the time, but until I became a parent, I didn't understand the gravity of it. I just...could never leave my 8 month old...or my 22 month old...for 8 days.

It would be different if there was an emergency of some sort, but they just wanted to go visit some family in another province, and have a "break". A break I get. Eight days, though? Really?

I did respite for a 7 year old girl last summer, with severe special needs. Her foster parents dropped her off with NOTHING, and no information. They didn't even leave us her medical treatment card, and we had to call the crisis unit to track down the child's worker so that we would know who to call. She was in my home for 3 days, with my husband and I scrambling to meet her needs. Respite caregivers are not an extra set of foster parents. We are essentially skilled baby-sitters, and sending a child to us, with no information, and no preparation, is unfair, and only serves to hurt the child.

This family was so close to the brink that they almost dropped her off in a panic. We got a call 2 hours before she arrived.

So, here are my caveats:

1) I think respite care for 7 days or more should be looked at. If a family is needing it for such a stretch, maybe the placement should be re-considered, so that the child is not constantly going back and forth between the respite carer's home and the foster family. I'm not saying the kid should definitely be moved, but I think looking at the situation is a must. Why are they needing this amount of respite? Do they need more in-home supports? Does the child need other supports implemented, like a full time aid, or some educational support programs? Are the parents equipped to handle this child's needs? Are the parents equipped to be fostering at this time? Like I said, not necessarily moving them, but examining whether this is an effective placement for this child. I'm not talking about punative measures for the foster parents here. I'm just talking about the safest possible situation for that kid.

2) There needs to be a cap on the amount of children permitted in a respite home, and respite carers need to be checked more thoroughly. Anyone who WOULD be willing to take on 5 babies at a time, and keep them strapped into high chairs and strollers the entire time is, in my mind, dubious. This should be considered neglect, and kids in care deserve better. So, respite carers should certainly have caps on the amount of children permitted in the home, whether they be biological, adoptive, foster or respite. Children should have their own space, in an age appropriate way. It should also be considered that these kids are INHERENTLY special needs. Even if they are developmentally on par, the trauma they've endured lends itself to some additional emotional problems, and therefore, they should be getting MORE attention, not less.

I think the system tends to be more cavalier than I'd like about respite caregivers, at least where I live. I guess with so much on their caseloads, checking out respite homes seems like last priority for the powers that be, but ANYONE caring for these kids should be thoroughly vetted held accountable.

So, in short, while I understand the need for respite in certain circumstances, I do get frustrated, feeling like maybe the needs of the kids are not always paramount, and feeling like respite caregivers and foster parents are "let off the hook" due to the shortfall in foster caregivers that exists.

Just my two cents.

I was a foster child and i was put in respite care when my foster parents couldn't afford to take me on vacation with them.

Otherwise they looked after me non stop without a break for 16 years. (as they kicked me out when i was 16 and i then became emancipated)

Some foster children have mental issues/disabled or have behavior problems and these foster parents are under extreme stress and definitely deserve a break so in that sense i think respite is a good idea.

Parents who aren't foster parents can also put their children in respite care but it's not common...

i think its needed for families who are stressed and need a break, but there are those who abuse the system and don't really need to use respite.

I always thought I had a problem with respite care because I saw it as not making the child feel like part of your family. I always hated to hear that the family was going on vacation or a holiday break and dropped the kids off somewhere else. However, now that I've experienced it firsthand, I know the difference. My family had planned a trip to Disney (last month). About a month before we went, we had children placed in our home. I have 2 children of my own and was really making the trip for my 8 year old (before he was too old to enjoy it). We went back and forth on whether to take the foster children with us or not. On one hand, I was dying for them to go with us because it might be the only time they would get to go (I never went as a child!) but on the other hand, there were several issues to consider: 1. the boy was a handful and we hadn't really had the time to settle him down in our home before moving him to Disney for a week 2. the social workers didn't want to ask the parents because we hadn't had them long. I didn't want the boy (the oldest) to feel like we were abandoning him (because they had been moved 5 times in 2 months and I didn't want him to feel like this was another move). I finally told the social workers that we would do whatever they thought was best for the kids (because we couldn't decide). I felt like the family would have let us take them if I could have talked to them (as we had met before and have a good relationship for the kids sake). Anyway, they wanted them to go to respite care so we agreed. I made an effort to spend some time with the respite foster lady and the kids got to know her. We visited her 3 times before we left them. Also, we told them that she was my friend, not another foster parent and I told them that I would bring them back something (didn't tell them that we were going to Disney though because they would have freaked out- haha). They did really well in respite care and they want to visit there again (they still think she's just a friend of mine) so it worked out well. If we hadn't already planned and paid for the trip, we would have cancelled it so we won't be using respite care again unless absolutely necessary. And if so, I hope we can use the same family because they loved her. We've already cancelled a summer trip to New York for the same reason (social workers not wanting to rock the boat with the parents). I think the parents are upset thinking that DSS is just trying to take the kids away (not really taking responsibility for what happened to land them there in the first place). So DSS is trying to keep the peace so the parents can work their reunification plan. We're cool with that so we left it in DSS's hands and it turned out to be the right decision for everyone.

I think respite care is suitable for many times in a carers life. I have used it when my husband had a heart attack and also when we celebrated our 25th anniversary by taking a trip way out west and we had a child who didn't travel too well. She stayed with my niece and my niece had a crisis with her new baby and my Little girl was put in another foster home ----where I wouldn't leave my pet snake[if I had one}. I should have taken the child with us.

There are good times when respite is needed and I believe the individual foster parent has to make that call. No one can do it for them. Otherwise we took our kids[foster kids] from the east coast to the west coast and from the north to the south and they all enjoyed those trips.

I have only fostered one child -- the child I eventually adopted -- so maybe I'm not the right person to answer your question. I'm going to try anyway. ;)

1) I think that if a foster carer becomes suddenly ill and cannot provide adequate care for the children in his/her home, respite care is appropriate. Hopefully the person who is ill will receive appropriate treatment and be able to resume his/her regular daily activities, including raising the children in his/her care. I think that in many cases, it would be too traumatic for children to have to move permanently and therefore should be placed back in the formerly ill person's care if it's appropriate for the child/ren. In cases of extreme stress or pressure, perhaps the carer needs long term psychological treatment and the children in his/her care should be permanently removed. I'm not judging here -- I'm just saying that if a person cannot handle sudden stress to the point where the children in the home are in danger of being abused or neglected, then long term treatment may be what is best for the carer and putting kids in limbo until the carer's psychological needs are met is just unfair...not to mention unpredictable.

2) No way, no how, never. I know someone who was a therapeutic foster parent and she did this. I was appalled. If you don't want to take foster kids on vacation, then you have two options:

- don't take in foster kids

- don't go on vacation!

How HORRIBLE must the foster children feel when they know their carers are going away and they're not invited? I wouldn't treat my dog that way, let alone a child! Anyone who does this shouldn't be allowed to foster. Parents don't get breaks from parenting; the same should be said for foster parents. Do the job you're given or don't bother to do it at all. (BTW, the person I knew who took in foster kids and then left them behind when she went on vacation didn't have ANY successful placements. Hmm...not so surprising, is it?)

I hope I helped.

Aloha ~

We don't use respite, The kids come with us everywhere or hang out at a close friends house. I've never been comfortable calling virtual strangers to watch my kids.

I would have loved having them there to celebrate with me. It would have been really nice to share my special occasions with ALL of my family together. Being an adoptee from the closed BSE, I felt like my birthday WAS ignored by my natural parents. I now know that was not the case.