Unresonable friend problem... maybe?

Question

I have a friend who I talk to every day online pretty much, or by text (we DO know each other in real life by the way too haha). Anyway, we get on fine and everything but I always know that every so often something will happen in her family and she'll unload ALL her life problems onto me and go on about them for the remainder of that conversation, and probably some of the conversation the next day too, this usually happens maybe once a week or once every week and a half.

Problem is, in response to all these things I kind of find that there are two options. The first option is me saying that it's really bad and I feel sorry for her, and then pretty much just acknowledging what she's saying by saying things like "Oh I see" or "Ahh right" in response to the things she says. But when I do this, she starts having a go at me for obviously not caring, or being bored or whatever. The second option is the I might try and offer her advice the best I can, but she always finds fault or flaws in my advice and rejects it, and then she'll have a go at me for thinking it's easy to solve or saying that she must be overreacting if it's just a simple fix (even though I never say or imply that it is quick and easy to fix).

I'm not really sure what to do now, or how to deal with her in those situations. Can anyone help?

Thanks for reading this by the way, I know it's long and thanks for any advice anyone might have.

☀Sunny☀ · Accepted Answer

It probably feels so much better for her when she "unloads" her problems on you but she should think about how it might make you feel.
If she was really your friend then I doubt very much she would want to upset you & kinda drag you down with her.
I think you should just tell her how its making you feel and also remind her that everytime you do what she obviously wants you to do (give her advice on how to solve it) she just throws it back in you face.
Most people would totally ignore her & tell her to sort out her problems herself so she's very lucky to have a friend like you :)

Sorry for the longness of this by the way :] haha good luck xx

george · Answer

many times we have to go on with our life. That's when we have to chose who will accompany us in this journey.
Friends are supposed to support. help and love.When this is not happening then we have to leave them back and move on new friends and be strong.
People can't change easily and also if they betrayed us once is for sure that they will do it again.
But even if they do not do it again, still always the bad memory of what happened will keep that relationship not so serious and important as before.
Be strong and move on so you will save yourself pain and you will get a chance to have a better person next to you in the future

? · Answer

Sometimes women just need to vent and you happen to be the one she does it to.  We don't want answers, we just gotta get it out there.  There's probably nothing you can do about it. I understand your frustration and sometimes you wanna just tell them "snap out of it," but you don't.  If she makes comments like you seem bored or don't care, it's probably because she knows she is unloading on you and feels a little guilty.  It doesn't make sense, but that's what it is.  I myself have a habit of dumping on friends and I know I sometimes bore the hell out of them, too.

? · Answer

well, option two isn't helping then i would suggest you tell her in a nice way.
"look not to be rude but can we change the subject" and hopefully this will help because if you don't you'll find yourself slowly cutting her off and just not talking to her period

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Unresonable friend problem... maybe?

4 Answers