Honest Opinions Needed?

Question

On my poem. Do you like it or not.
Ways of improvement...you can suggest them if you'd like

Shadows are closing in around you
and you cannot see your way through
Look around for the light,
but there is none in the dark of the night.
The raven's croak echos across the land
and nothing is going as you planned.
Run through the crooked paths
to try to escape the darkness's wrath
You hear something overhead
your down on the ground now, filled with dread
Close your eyes, go back to the past, not long ago
before everything had gone below
Embrace death now, as your friend
and pray for a quick, painless end
Sharp pain in your chest
so much for being blessed
And as your body slowly drains of your blood
and you feel the painful, internal flood
Your all alone, you cry out
but you keep going without
The worlds gone, as is any life
it ended in the endless strife
Never to be born again

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It is long and I can get lost in the beginning of it. you have a good style and perhaps a little less in length or a little more connective wording could help in the meaning of what you are trying to convey.  what exactly is killing the character in this poem? is it darkness? is it fear? is it a vampire? that's where I'm lost you know, if you mean it as metaphorically speaking, the answer is in the interpretation. I do like it, it shows great potential.

? · Answer

Ok I'm supplying you with my sincere opinion. I might inform the fellow simply to permit him realize. I might additionally maintain the little one. No topic if "you" had been a booty name or now not you made a little one so that you must maintain it and permit the daddy realize. well success if this is occurring to you.

? · Answer

Bailey.. awhhhhh.. i love it. it fits me since i'm such a depressed guy.. but i love it so much.. lol:)

♥ · Answer

It rhymes a little too much...

Anonymous · Answer

i love it:) please keep writing!!

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Honest Opinions Needed?

5 Answers