Asking people when they are going to 'start a family'?

Question

I am now of the age and marital status where people seem to think its appropriate to ask me "when I intend to start my family". This question comes from both people I know very well, and often even from people I have only just met.

I personally find this question to be prying and unforgivably rude. With so many women facing private fertility issues (difficulty conceiving, frequent miscarriages etc) that asking a question like that could be intended as innocent, but in actuality is potentially a very awkward and invasive question.

What do you think? Why? What would you say to people to imply that you don't feel comfortable answering that question?

mirror twin · Accepted Answer

Yes, it is rude and presumptuous.

Jen Bee · Answer

I think it's a rude question as well, even if you know the person. Some people may not want children either and asking about it is very prying and puts them on the spot. Any time a couple gets married, it seems like everyone assumes they will start a family right away. Some people have careers and want to focus on that and having a family isn't their style. It's a personal choice and you shouldn't have to explain or tell anyone about it. Some one asks you, just tell them my husband and I are enjoying the married life and when we decide to, we will have children. Once we do, we will let you know. That shuts them up and you don't have to tell them when you get pregnant either. I never said anything until I was well past 4 months and then told people because they noticed my weight gain and it was past the point of miscarriage worries and I didn't want to tell anyone too early and have another miscarriage and have to talk about it with everyone. Now I have my son and people now keep asking when will you have more children? Drives me nuts as well!! He is only a year and a half people! Some people like me, are smart and want to space their children apart by 2 or more years. I had a c-section and don't want to have one anytime soon.

Anonymous · Answer

i would start a family once i finish college or university and find a job and buy a house. 
or whenever im ready which is when the time is right.

Trinnity · Answer

it's not prying and rude.i've been asked that thousands of times, and my answer is when the time is right.
people want to see you have a family and are simply just wondering, they're not being rude

Sunsweet · Answer

Haha, yes it is unintentionally rude. Why are you going to help out on the expenses??? How thoughtful of you :)

јυṡτ lïττlε øl&#39; ģɾαсïε! · Answer

Say something like, 
"Did you ever think that maybe I'm not planning on starting a family?"
Or what Gabby said!
Thumbs up for you Gabby!

SavvySue · Answer

I would reply, 'that is between my husband and myself.'  Don't apologize for not answering, they are the ones who are rude.  Or you could say: "none of your bee's wax!'  lol

hollykitch · Answer

It is very rude for anyone to do that.
Say, "None of your business, really."

Anonymous · Answer

I agree with you.
I would say, "When we are ready. WHY DO YOU ASK?"

Anonymous · Answer

just tell them "even if I did start a family, i wouldn't let you anywhere near it, so why do you care?"

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Asking people when they are going to 'start a family'?

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