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Exactly how crappy is this poem? Can it be quantified?

Castaways

We ride the crests and troughs of waves

We stay afloat but no one saves

Us from this task we dared assay

When we abandoned ship that day

Through days and nights we tread the sea

No god in heaven hears our plea

To be delivered; and this is just

In our own luck we placed our trust

No deity can save us now

We each must teach our own selves how

To navigate this choppy surf

To find our way to solid turf

What was the name of your own ship

From which you are now cast adrift?

Faith or Hope or Trust or Love?

And did you jump, or were you shoved?

We castaways are not alone

Other drifters dot the foam

We reach for them, we hold their hand

Searching for elusive land

Drift together, drift apart

Each separation drains our heart

And will we ever finally reach

That place of solid ground and peace?

I do not know.

( I dedicate this to my contacts, who are brilliant, and mostly just as screwed up as I am.)

21 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Edit: Modest Mouse is gay.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    I liked it - made a few changes you might like but I would rate this a good write - to those who don't understnd poetry has many forms rhyme is just one off them. What felt so right Was so wrong a simple lie Seemed to be the truth Now here I am writing words that mean nothing to one person Yet the world to another I'm drowning in Confusion Can't escape it Stuck No one saving me No one cares Can't swim out Lost In Confusion, Fear, and Darkness

  • 1 decade ago

    Hi, i think it's a wonderful piece of work. The visions it's a rare treat. It sounds like a page in a good poetry book, i see passion and a little hurt. We all should try to get along a little better with one another. This is a poem of a vision, i do hope it comes to pass. Peace out.

    Source(s): Just me.
  • Well I guess that leaves me out,

    it really is NOT that crappy at all by my observation, I rather enjoyed it. I am pretty screwed up most of the time, but I shine up nice when I smile, the twinkle in my eye gets ignited... and

    shoot, I was critiquing a poem wasn't I... Oops!

    Source(s): damn, I think I have fleas!!!
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  • yesjee
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Who said it is crappy?

    No doubt, a bit snappy,

    Making you unhappy

    In waters choppy.

    Got the drift - your poem is more like this comment - well-meaning and philosophical but the over-use of rhyme gives one a short shrift!

  • 1 decade ago

    The poem is well linked from stanza to stanza with good flow of thoughts and flights of imagination.

    Source(s): www.forex-master-earnbigfromforex2010.blogspot.com
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Very well done, but I think you're going to have to try harder to illuminate the depths of some people's insanity. my screwed uppedness knows no bounds.

  • Sara
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    That poem is just excellent.

    Where did you learn to write like that?

    That one is worthy of publication.

  • 1 decade ago

    Dude - I'm not near as brilliant or near as screwed up.

    But I'm trying my damnedest to keep up.

    RScott

  • 1 decade ago

    Poems are meant to enlighten us, this is an older poem...........with that said, I don't need to say much more, I've read worse!!

    Source(s): I'm an English Major
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