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Exactly how crappy is this poem? Can it be quantified?
Castaways
We ride the crests and troughs of waves
We stay afloat but no one saves
Us from this task we dared assay
When we abandoned ship that day
Through days and nights we tread the sea
No god in heaven hears our plea
To be delivered; and this is just
In our own luck we placed our trust
No deity can save us now
We each must teach our own selves how
To navigate this choppy surf
To find our way to solid turf
What was the name of your own ship
From which you are now cast adrift?
Faith or Hope or Trust or Love?
And did you jump, or were you shoved?
We castaways are not alone
Other drifters dot the foam
We reach for them, we hold their hand
Searching for elusive land
Drift together, drift apart
Each separation drains our heart
And will we ever finally reach
That place of solid ground and peace?
I do not know.
( I dedicate this to my contacts, who are brilliant, and mostly just as screwed up as I am.)
21 Answers
- Anonymous5 years ago
I liked it - made a few changes you might like but I would rate this a good write - to those who don't understnd poetry has many forms rhyme is just one off them. What felt so right Was so wrong a simple lie Seemed to be the truth Now here I am writing words that mean nothing to one person Yet the world to another I'm drowning in Confusion Can't escape it Stuck No one saving me No one cares Can't swim out Lost In Confusion, Fear, and Darkness
- RosalindaLv 71 decade ago
Hi, i think it's a wonderful piece of work. The visions it's a rare treat. It sounds like a page in a good poetry book, i see passion and a little hurt. We all should try to get along a little better with one another. This is a poem of a vision, i do hope it comes to pass. Peace out.
Source(s): Just me. - 1 decade ago
Well I guess that leaves me out,
it really is NOT that crappy at all by my observation, I rather enjoyed it. I am pretty screwed up most of the time, but I shine up nice when I smile, the twinkle in my eye gets ignited... and
shoot, I was critiquing a poem wasn't I... Oops!
Source(s): damn, I think I have fleas!!! - How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- yesjeeLv 41 decade ago
Who said it is crappy?
No doubt, a bit snappy,
Making you unhappy
In waters choppy.
Got the drift - your poem is more like this comment - well-meaning and philosophical but the over-use of rhyme gives one a short shrift!
- 1 decade ago
The poem is well linked from stanza to stanza with good flow of thoughts and flights of imagination.
Source(s): www.forex-master-earnbigfromforex2010.blogspot.com - Anonymous1 decade ago
Very well done, but I think you're going to have to try harder to illuminate the depths of some people's insanity. my screwed uppedness knows no bounds.
- SaraLv 71 decade ago
That poem is just excellent.
Where did you learn to write like that?
That one is worthy of publication.
- OURScottLv 71 decade ago
Dude - I'm not near as brilliant or near as screwed up.
But I'm trying my damnedest to keep up.
RScott
- 1 decade ago
Poems are meant to enlighten us, this is an older poem...........with that said, I don't need to say much more, I've read worse!!
Source(s): I'm an English Major
