How can I let this guy down easy without cutting him out of my life because that was his "biggest heartbreak"?

Question

I just want to know this in case I really start feeling compelled to say byebye.
The most this would ever be is a summer fling but he's taking it too seriously, like its going to be a real relationship. We're four years apart and I'm leaving in three weeks. He's going to go back to his life on the entire other side of the planet.
But his biggest heartbreak was when his first girlfriend cut him out of his life and lost all contact. It's a tempting way to cut loose but if I do want to let him know that I don't think I want anything more, I don't want to cut him out because that might bring up pain from the past.
How have you done it before?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Tell him the truth about your feelings towards him. Always be honest with yourself, otherwise you will also suffer.

However HE responds to your honesty is HIS problem!

Marc M · Answer

Since you don't know what the future will hold, just tell him that he will always hold a special place in your heart (which should be true), but that the distance will probably cause one (or both) of you to find someone new.

Accordingly, this is your notice to him that it is OK if he finds someone else.

By implication, it should be understood that it's fine for you to do so as well.  Thus, you will have broken up with him, without deliberately causing him pain (which you'd do if you just cut him out of your life).  Of course, he may still feel pain that the relationship has ended, but it will be self-caused pain, which you are not responsible for.

This approach has the added benefit, that if circumstances change later on (you move to another country, for example), you might still be able to get back together.  If you are needlessly cruel when you don't need anything from the relationship, that should make any rational guy avoid you permanently afterwards.  Just be gentle, and (if possible) put in a good word for him with some other girls, so he is able to move on to someone new relatively soon.

Ms. AWESOME · Answer

Just hint to him that your not serious, then stay in touch by email, and talk about other guys, act like you only want a fling, and he'll get the hint.

Anonymous · Answer

just cut it off. he will live, if hes a man at  ll he will be ok.

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How can I let this guy down easy without cutting him out of my life because that was his "biggest heartbreak"?

4 Answers